


devote your heart (to me)

by hotsootae



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shingeki no Kyojin Fusion, Angst, Bangtan Boys | BTS is a Family, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Fights, Friends to Lovers, I'm doing this so I can survive season 4, M/M, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, They are deeply in love, Titans, bts sweeties I'm so sorry, but this is a snk au so expect suffering, snk world explained
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28721568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotsootae/pseuds/hotsootae
Summary: For as long as the citizens of Paradis Island remember, they have lived in the walls.  Outside, the titans wait for them.-Yoongi had devoted the last five years of his life to fight the beats outside the walls. War is all he knows. However, things change when three rookies enter his team and he meets Jeon Jungkook, an innocent kid full of hopes that will make him question everything he believes in.orYoongi and Jungkook fall in love while trying to survive a hard and bloody world.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Min Yoongi | Suga
Comments: 10
Kudos: 14





	1. Prologue - Explaining Shingeki no kyojin

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm back with a new story based on the anime Shingeki no kyojin.  
> In case you don't watch the show, I will be explaining everything you need to know in a short prologue. Please consider that there will be a lot of battles, blood and death cause that's what SNK it's about. However, you don't need to watch the anime to understand this story.  
> I really like this au and I hope you like it too. English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes.  
> Enjoy! And please leave a comment so I can improve my writing :)

For as long as the citizens of Paradis Island have remembered, they have lived in the walls. No one knows how they were built or if there are any people left outside, but that’s impossible because of the titans. However, no one questions the walls, since they keep the monsters far from the humans. 

The story I’m going to tell you happens way before Eren and his friends start to discover the mysteries of the world they live in. If you don’t know who Eren is, I’m going to explain a few things about Paradis so you can understand this story better.

The country is divided in three big walls: Sina, Rose and Maria. You can see a map **[here](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/62/74/89/6274898b2eed798f9099cdd12bb164bf.jpg) **for a better experience. Every wall has different districts surrounding them for better protection. In this story, the only important districts are Shiganshina (which is between the outside world and Wall Maria) and Trost (which is between Wall Maria and Wall Rose).

The basic thing you need to know is that these walls protect the humans, since the titans eat people. They don’t do it because they’re hungry or need human flesh to live, they do it for fun. There are a lot of things humanity doesn’t know about the titans, but they know that a cut in the nape kills them. That’s why the government created an army to fight them and to protect the people inside. There are three kinds of soldiers: the military police brigade (who protect the king and the royal families inside Wall Sina), the Garrison (who protect the rest of the people in the country) and the Survey Corps (who fight titans outside the walls and hope to learn more about them). There are also the Training Corps, who are the soldiers that are being trained to then join one of the three affiliations after graduation.

Also, all members of the military wear similar uniforms that you can see **[here](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/82/5e/16/825e16c801d9b967abc49e85fbebf5b8.jpg) ** and use a vertical maneuvering equipment which is explained [ **here** ](https://shingekinokyojin-fanon.fandom.com/wiki/Three_Dimensional_Maneuver_Gear#:~:text=The%20Three%20Dimensional%20Maneuver%20Gear,opposed%20to%20a%202D%20one.). The simplest move possible with the vertical equipment is simply aiming and firing the grapple hooks at an object and then activating the gas mechanism to reel oneself toward said object. They can then disconnect the hook and continue moving forward. They also have four pairs of blades made from ultrahard steel, capable of rending Titan flesh.

I guess this is everything you need to know about Attack on Titan before reading this story. I won’t be using any important things from the anime in here, but I’ll be using some characters and facts just for fun. 

You can find me @ughnamgi_ in case you have any more questions.


	2. Part I: Warrior

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First to all, thanks to Ari for correcting this mess and always supporting my ideas. You're the best friend someone could ever have.  
> Thanks to my friends for having my back and inspiring me, and thanks to bts for bringing me here.  
> Enjoy!

The soldiers open the doors that separate the wall and the outside world. The Garrisons take out their blades and climb the wall so they can spot any titan that wants to enter the district. The people of Shiganshina come out of their houses, with hopeful eyes and racing hearts, waiting to see their loved ones return to their home after days of fighting for their country. The kids climb the roofs to see better and whisper with their voice full of excitement.

“Here come the heroes!” says one of them. However, the group that comes inside the wall are not the heroes that they are waiting for. Instead, only fifteen men and women out of fifty that left a few weeks ago are back. They are hurt, tired, hungry and totally defeated. They have seen the war once again, and now they’re not the same person that they were before leaving. 

The squad captain Min Yoongi is one of the first in line, next to Kim Seokjin, the commander. They both don’t have a scratch in their body, and that’s obvious since they’re the best soldiers in the country. Behind them, a parade of hopeless people walk with tired feet. 

“Only fifteen?” says a man who is watching them. “They had more people last month, what are they doing?”

“At this point we won’t have any more soldiers left” says the man beside him.

Yoongi hears them, he always does, and he hates that they’re right. The soldiers are every time less trained for battle and that’s why they die easily, without them not even killing one titan. He grinds his teeth with anger and forces himself to remain calm, or Seokjin would scold him for having a bad temper. 

“Don’t listen to them” says someone behind him. “Let’s just have a bath and a drink, I’m exhausted”.

Yoongi looks at his friend and he can’t understand how happy he looks when he can’t barely walk and has different scars on his face. But that’s who Hoseok is, a breath of fresh air between all the blood and murder. 

“You should focus more on training” Yoongi answers. “One of them almost eats you this time”.

“You said it my friend… almost. As long as it's that and not actually being eaten, it’s all good”.

“Every time we lose more horses than men and we have to come back home walking, I think about being eaten and ending this suffering” says Namjoon beside them, with his eyes closed and his uniform all covered in blood.

“Yeah, they make us walk because we’re the best” says Hoseok. “Maybe we have to work a bit less next time”.

“You know I can hear everything you’re saying, right?” says Seokjin, speaking for the first time in hours. “Have some respect for the men we lost”.

“You know we respect them” says Hoseok. “We just have to joke a bit so we don’t go mad and kill ourselves or something”.

“Actually, that sounds amazing right now” answers Namjoon.

Yoongi laughs a bit in silence and they keep walking until they make it to the survey corps barracks. Maybe Hoseok is right, Yoongi needs their stupid jokes so he doesn’t go mad after everything he had seen these last years. 

-

Jungkook takes off his training corp jacket and gives it to his instructor. In return, the man gives him the survey corps jacket. Jungkook looks at the wings of freedom with his eyes full of emotion. Three years of hard work led him to this day: he is finally a survey corp. He could imagine his parents’ face full of pride and that thought makes him shiver. He is not going to cry today though, he promised himself.

“Soldiers!” says his instructor up on the stage. “Your fight starts today. The survival of humankind is in your hands. Devote your hearts to Paradis, devote your hearts to the battle, devote your hearts to survival!”.

The recently graduated soldiers take their fists to their hearts at the same time.

“Yes, sir!” all of them answer full of passion. The instructor looks at them and tries to memorize their faces. Probably most of them will die in their first mission so he wants to remember who are giving their lives for the country.

“You can go rest now. Celebrate your graduation and tomorrow we will divide you into groups” says the man. “Rest!”

“Yes, sir!”

Jungkook puts his new jacket on while his mates start to leave the place. He looks at his uniform and fixes his belt. Today is the start of his adulthood.

He suddenly gets pushed from behind him and feels an arm grab his neck.

“You need to keep your guard on, mister Jeon Jungkook!” says someone with a funny voice. “At this point the titans are going to kill you next week!”.

Jungkook laughs and grabs the arm with his hands, he pushes forward and the body that was holding him falls to the ground.

“You shouldn’t underestimate me, mister Park Jimin! Titans have no chance with me!” says Jungkook copying the funny voice his friend made.

Jimin complains and slowly gets up while he cleans the dirt from his uniform.

“It’s no fun to make you a joke if you’re going to react like this! My bum hurts now!”

“Maybe you should stop teasing someone who is twice as strong as you” says someone next to Jungkook. The boy looks at his right and sees Kim Taehyung standing there with a smirk. 

“Hey! Wanna fight Kim Taehyung?” says Jimin getting into battle position.

The three boys laugh. They love to make that kind of joke between them. They’re best friends after all.

“I have a better idea” says Taehyung. “What if we go out for a drink to celebrate our graduation?”

“I’m going to see my family for a bit first, I want to show them my jacket” Jungkook says.

“Ohhh, mommy’s baby is back” Jimin grabs his friend's cheek and squeezes it.

“Isn’t your mum the one that calls you Jimin Boo?” asks Taehyung.

“Jimin Boo, really?” says Jungkook with a funny face.

“You guys don’t understand my relationship with my mother, so shut up!” says Jimin with a red face. The two boys laugh at him and repeat his nickname to make fun of him.

“We will meet you at the tavern in two hours then” says Taehyung.

“I’ll be there. But I won’t drink much since tomorrow our work starts early”

“Don’t be a cry baby, we can do whatever we want now. We’re survey corps! Titans beware!” 

says Jimin, pulling a blade out of his vertical maneuvering equipment. Taehyung starts to imitate a titan and makes a lot of weird noises.

Jungkook laughs at them and their fake fight. He knows he is where he is meant to be. 

-

  
  


“This is bullshit!” says Yoongi while punching Seokjin’s desk. 

“Calm down, Yoongi. There is nothing you can do about it, it’s decided” answers the commander. 

“You can’t give me three rookies, I work with experienced people or I don’t work at all”.

“Then you should look for a new job. I heard the tavern next door is hiring”.

“You are not funny”. It’s clear that Yoongi is upset, but Seokjin just laughs at him. 

“We don’t have that many people left, Yoongi. And the ones experienced hate working with you because… you know… you’re a pain in the ass”.

Yoongi rolls his eyes and sighs. Seokjin is right, in his past five years as a survey corp, he has had a lot of teams. He had seen many of his subordinates die and the ones that survived hate him because he is really bad at teamwork. The only ones that have stayed by his side are Hoseok and Namjoon, who are almost as good as him at killing titans.

“You have to train them for a week and then we will go outside again” says Seokjin. “They are nice kids and don’t know what’s expecting them on the other side, so don’t be so hard on them”.

“So I don’t have any other choice. I have to accept the rookies or I’m out”.

“I’m glad you understand” answers Seokjin with a smile.

“You can’t kick me out. I’m your best soldier”.

“Try me”. They both stare at each other for a few seconds, none of them wanting to break the eye contact. However, Yoongi finally gives up. He has known Seokjin since he entered the army and they have become really good friends despite their rank and age difference. He knows that the man is as stubborn as he is, that’s why they get along. Fighting with Seokjin is no use, he always loses the battle.

Yoongi sighs. He can feel a headache coming.

“Fine” he says. “When are we starting?”

-

It’s not the first time Tarhyung and Jimin have come to the tavern close to their training camp. During the last three years, they have sneaked out the dorms many times just to have a drink. Jungkook, however, never went with them since he was scared that the instructor would find out and would kick them out of the school. He never did though, Jimin and Taehyung were really good at sneaking out.

So, this is the first time the three friends are together at the tavern, and probably the last one since their work starts tomorrow. They want to enjoy the freedom of their last night as normal citizens, before undertaking a mission outside the walls.

“What team do you think we will be in?” asks Jimin.

“I want to enter Captain Yoongi’s team but they say it’s really exclusive” answers Taehyung, 

grimacing. “I want to be as good as them!”.

“Maybe you get to enter one day” Jungkook says. “You had the best grades out of the three of us”.

“Of course he’ll enter, he’s going to be one of the best out there! The titans better prepare themselves for Taehyung!” Jimin is almost screaming due to all the alcohol he drank. Taehyung’s cheeks get red and he hides a smile behind his cup.

“What about you, Jungkook? What team do you think we will be in?”.

Jungkook thinks about it for a second and the other two boys await for his answer.

“I don’t really care about the squad, but I hope we end up in the same one. I think we would be an amazing and unstoppable trio”.

Drunk Jimin grabs his cheeks and looks at him with tears in his eyes.

“You are so adobable” he says, slurring the words.

“I think it’s adorable Jimin Boo” says Taehyung.

The three of them drink and laugh for a few hours and Jimin easily passes out on the table. Jungkook and Taehyung make fun of him and then try to wake him up. It’s impossible though, the boy is not listening to them.

“Let’s play rock, paper, scissors and the loser has to carry him to the dorms” says Taehyung.

Jungkook accepts and they hide their right hand behind their backs. Their eyes are full of passion and red because of the alcohol. With that state of mind, losing seems like the end of the world right now. 

“One... “ Taehyung starts counting. “Two… Three!”

The boys reveal their hand to each other and Jungkook screams of defeat. Taehyung has rock and he has paper. It 's the end. 

“Yes!” celebrates the other boy. “It’s a victory for Kim Taehyung!”.

Jungkook carries Jimin on his back with no struggle. His friend is really small and light in weight, taking him to their dorm is nothing but an annoyance to his pride.

Him and Taehyung start walking down the streets of Shiganshina, where the graduated soldiers continue to celebrate their last night as boys. Jimin complains because of the noise but then goes back to sleep.

“If he drools on my new jackets he’s dead” Jungkook looks at Taehyung to check his reaction to the joke but the boy is staring at the sky without paying him attention. He pushes him a little with his body and his friend finally looks at him again, like landing into earth again.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook asks.

“It would be a lie to tell you that I’m not scared about all of this”.

Jungkook looks at him confused.

“Taehyung you’re one of the best soldiers, you don’t have to be scared”.

“But… what if once we’re out there the situation is worse than we imagine? Have you ever seen a titan in real life? All I’ve heard are stories and they are not nice”.

“Why did you join the military then?”

“I want my family to live without fear. My little brothers and sisters deserve a better world than these walls” Taehyung’s voice is full of emotion. Jungkook doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol or the fear that is making his friend open up like this.

“Then you need to keep moving forward… for them. It’s going to be scary out there, Taehyung, but we have each other’s backs and nothing can beat that”.

Taehyung finally smiles at him and brushes Jungkook’s shoulder.

“You inspire me. You and Jimin. And I promise you that I will always save you guys in case something happens out there. You have my word”.

“And you have mine” Jungkook says. “No titan is going to touch you two when I’m near”.

Jungkook goes to sleep with Taehyung’s words still resonating in his mind. He had known these boys since the first day of training and they helped him through hard times. The thought of losing them outside the walls gives him goosebumps so he blocks it and promises himself that he would do anything to keep them safe, even if it takes giving up his own life.

-

“Good morning Captain Yoongi!” says Hoseok with a smile. “Are we ready to train some rookies?”

Yoongi glares at him and doesn’t say a word. He’s sitting in the dining room drinking coffee in the worst mood ever. He hates training recently graduated soldiers, they are often cry babies that can’t deal with his demands. This is going to be a long week.

“You shouldn’t drink that much coffee, Captain, it’s going to make you more annoying” says Namjoon, sitting next to Yoongi with a tray full of food.

“And you shouldn’t eat that much, soldier Kim Namjoon, or you’re going to get fat and be a nice meal to titans” answers Yoongi.

“I’m still growing, that’s why I need to eat. Some of us aren’t all as old as you, you know”.

After a few more insults and Hoseok stopping Yoongi from cutting Namjoon’s throat with a blade, the three survey corps are now arriving at the training camp to meet their new team mates. When they arrive, they see three soldiers standing in firm position and with their right fist in their heart. 

“Someone is excited to start training” says Hoseok.

Yoongi stands in front of them and takes a quick look at their faces. They all have brown hair and their uniforms clean and with no blood in them. The first one is taller than him but still has a baby face, his expression is serious and a bit scary. However, Yoongi can see him shaking.

“Introduce yourself, soldier”.

The boy prepares himself and screams as loud as he can.

“I’M KIM TAEHYUNG FROM SHIGANSHINA, SIR” says.

“Lower your voice, kid. It’s too early and the captain lives with a headache” says Hoseok with a smile.

Yoongi looks at the new boy and knows that he probably won’t remember his name, but he sure will remember his deep voice. With his ears still hurting, he doesn’t say a word and moves on to the next kid.

“You know what to do… but in a lower voice, please” says Yoongi massaging his temple.

“I’m Park Jimin, from Shiganshina sir” says the boy.

This one is the same height as Yoongi and his body structure is small. He has the same baby face as the first kid, with the same serious expression but less scary. His lips are plump and his voice is softer. He’s like the opposite as screaming boy.

Yoongi slowly walks to the last soldier. This one is taller than him and his body structure is quite big. He can see that the boy is strong, but his face is soft and young. The kid looks at him with a smile, full of innocence and excitement. Yoongi knows that he will be losing that look in his eyes soon. 

“I’m Jeon Jungkook, from Shiganshina sir” he says before Yoongi gives him any direction. He is not a strict leader, he doesn’t care about formalities or looks, he is only interested in how they can fight and survive.

“Well.. here’s how we’re going to work soldiers. I won’t remember your names or district cause I honestly don’t care that much. I’m captain Min Yoongi and these are my teammates Jung Hoseok and Kim Namjoon. We’re fast, experienced and we only watch our backs. If you can’t keep up with us, you’re out” Yoongi knows this last bit is a lie since Seokjin told him that there are not more soldiers in Shiganshina, and he would die before working with someone from another district. “We’re going to train hard for a week, with no rest. After that, we’re going to kill titans outside the walls. Any questions?” Yoongi watches scream boy raise his hand but he ignores it. “Good, let’s get to work”.

Hoseok stands in front of the boys and starts to explain the training.

“We know you can fight titans or you wouldn’t have graduated as a survey corp. Right now, we want to see how well you can adapt to our speed. There will be a lot of cardboard titans in the forest behind us, the goal is to kill the most you can and don’t interfere with our work. Be careful with the blades, we don’t want a death soldier on the first day. In case you feel more comfortable with a bow and arrow let me know, I can lend you some of mine since I use both weapons.”

“Let’s give you your equipment and then we can start” says Namjoon.

Ten minutes later, all the boys are ready for battle. All of them are wearing the same uniform with the wings of freedom on their back. The only difference is that the younger ones are shaking even though they don’t show it at plain sight.

“You better be good at this, or I’ll get really mad” says Yoongi before launching himself to the sky. Everyone follows him quickly, aiming their hooks to the trees around them and then activating the gas to move forward. It’s a common thing to do, but it requires a lot of body strength and balance. It’s Yoongi's favourite thing in the world, it feels like flying and everything surrounding him seems little. Even after five years of battles, he still loves the moment in which his body is launched to the blue sky. He feels alive.

The first “titan” appears on his left. He’s going way too fast to catch him and turning back makes him lose time. When he is ready to attack, Namjoon has already killed it. 

“Wake up, captain! We need to show the kids how we do it!” he says.

Yoongi laughs and accepts the challenge. Of course he wants to show off in front of the new ones, and he’s sure his friends think the same way.

The next enemy appears on his right and he doesn’t even hesitate a bit. He moves quickly towards it and kills it in a heartbeat.

“Wow, captain! Why are you so passionate?” Hoseok laughs at him and then attacks the titan behind Yoongi with his blades.

They are having fun, for the first time in a long time. Sometimes they forget that they gave all their young years to the fight, but inside they’re still kids, just like their new teammates. Yoongi looks at the strangers and they are looking at them with their mouths open. It’s clear that they can’t keep up and it’s fine, their team is one of the fastest in the survey corps. However, Yoongi realizes that one of the kids is looking at him with a different expression, a more serious one, like he’s concentrated. It’s the third one, the one that seemed more innocent at first. They’re still in the air so it’s hard to know what that look on his eyes means. It takes Yoongi out of his balance and when he turns around, a cardboard titan is right in front of him. He’s about to crash it but someone appears on his right and attacks the face of the cardboard. The figure moves to the left and then, the soldier goes for his nape and kills it. 

“Wow, Jeon Jungkook!” says the deep voice kid. “Are you trying to show off?”

The innocent one lands on a tree to catch the air and smiles at his friends, again with a nice look on his face. Yoongi looks at him, mesmerized and confused. Where did he come from? How did he see the titan before him? If it was a real titan, Jungkook would’ve saved his life. Maybe training rookies was a good idea.

A couple of titans later, the squad is on the ground again, resting and drinking some water. To no one’s surprise, the experienced ones killed the most titans, followed by the deep voice kid, who Yoongi thinks has the best aim, and the innocent kid, who is the fastest of the three. The last one, the small one, didn’t even kill a titan, but he was good at giving the other ones directions and avoiding the cardboard. Yoongi thinks he is lucky that he got really good soldiers. Maybe he will try to remember their names after all. 

“Well” he says while standing up. “You should get some good sleep tonight, tomorrow we will start the real training. Since I like your abilities I decided you’ll be part of the team” that last bit was actually a lie, since Seokjin would kill him if he kicked someone out. The boys look at him with a smile full of excitement. He turns around and leaves the place before they can thank him or something, he doesn’t do well with compliments. 

“Good night, captain!” says one of them, he doesn’t know who. By his voice, he thinks it’s innocent boy, but he doesn’t turn around to find out if he’s right.

-

The rest of the training is hard and tiring and they barely can keep up to what their captain demands of them. He treats them with rudeness and with no compassion and they know he does it to make them stronger, but that doesn’t make it easier. After the last evening of hard work, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook are resting in their new room at the survey corps barracks. They are in silence and only talk to complain about the training. 

“I feel pain in parts of my body I didn't know I had” says Jimin.

“I think I need new knees” says Taehyung.

Jungkook laughs at them but that makes his ribs hurt so he stops to cough a little. 

“It was fun though” he says while closing his eyes. He is so tired.

“Yeah!” answers Jimin. “But I would lie if I said I didn’t want to slap the captain”.

“That makes two of us” says Taehyung.

“Three” adds Jungkook.

They laugh and start to mock the captain’s voice.

“You need to be more careful with your blades,kid” starts Taehyung making his voice a little more sharp.

“Your position is so wrong and your turns suck!” follows Jimin with the same tone as his friend.

Jungkook sits on his bed and makes a serious face similar to the captain’s.

“DO YOU WANNA GET EATEN BY TITANS YOU IDIOT?” his friends start to laugh really hard as soon as he says that, but the laughing quickly dies since it hurts them so much. 

When they calm down, Taehyung speaks again.

“He’s really cool, though”.

“Yeah, he’s amazing” Jimin says.

“Yeah, he’s only preparing us for the real fight” says Jungkook.

“Have you seen the scars on his hands? And the ones on Namjoon and Hoseok faces?” asks Taehyung. “How do you think they got it?”

“Killing titans, I hope” answers Jimin. “If not, I’m going to get really disturbed”.

The boys continue to talk and make jokes for a while. They are tired but when they are together, they regain strength. Jungkook looks at the ceiling for a bit while his friends discuss which is the captain’s height. He pictures what it’s going to be to go out of the wall, to see the clear sky without a big dead end reminding him that he’s going to be locked in forever. The only limit outside is the one his abilities have. He thinks all the training is going to be worth it when he’s out there, enjoying the fresh air of freedom. Of course he joined the military to save his country, but also for that moment in which he is going to be able to ride his horse without a stop, without knowing when the world ends. The thought of doing that fills his soul with a warm feeling. However, his bubble explodes when someone knocks at the door of their room.

“Who is it?” asks Jimin.

“Jung Hoseok, can I come in?” says a voice outside the room.

Taehyung stands up with a groan and opens the door for his superior. Hoseok enters with a smile and Taehyung lies down again while grabbing his back.

“I know you are really tired and in major pain so I’m going to be quick” he says. “We are going outside in two days, so please rest well and prepare yourselves for what’s coming. We think you guys are really good, we wouldn’t like to see you die on the first mission”.

Jungkook looks at him and wonders how he could say something like that with such a big smile on his face. 

“Don’t worry!” says Taehyung. “We’ll die the day every titan is dead!”.

Hoseok laughs at Taehyung’s excitement and looks at them all with pride.

“You’re doing well, kids. I think we’re a really good team, the six of us”.

Jungkook opens his mouth to ask him something but he doubts. Hoseok realizes that and waits for him.

“Sir... “ he starts in a small voice.

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“Are we… Are we really enough? For your team…” he asks.

Hoseok smiles at him even brighter than usual.

“Of course you are! Captain Yoongi is really pleased with your performance in the training.”

“He is?” asks Jimin.

“I assure you he is. I’ve known him for a few years and he can seem really cold at first, but he’s always inspiring and holding us together. He hates lazy people so please do you best and he’ll accept you as his close friend”

“That sounds amazing. We’ll do our best, sir!” says Taehyung.

Hoseok laughs again.

“You guys are cute. I’m going to go now, so please have sweet dreams and enjoy your free day tomorrow. Good night!” he says while closing the door.

Soon after that, the three friends are deeply asleep.

-

“Look at this horse! It 's so pretty!”

“It’s literally the same as the rest, Taehyung” says Jimin.

“But this one has a black spot on his brown face! Just like I do!” the boy shows his friends the mole on his right eye and they come close to him to see it.

“Wow, you really have a mole on your eye!” says Jimin.

“HEY!” says a familiar voice that gives them shivers behind them. “Stop joking around and finish your preparations, we are leaving in five minutes”.

“YES, CAPTAIN” say the three of them at the same time and continue to prepare their horses.

It’s finally the day they are leaving for their first mission, and Jungkook couldn’t be more excited. All his nerves are on edge and his stomach wouldn’t stop moving (he barely ate because of his excitement). It’s finally the day they’re going to the free land.

After having their horses ready, they ride them and position themselves behind Captain Yoongi, the leader. 

“The teams are already divided, we are heading east” he says. “Remember to pay attention to the flares the other teams shot. Namjoon will be shooting ours. Red means a titan is spotted, black means an abnormal titan is near so we have to be more careful with those, purple means emergency and blue means retreat. The green ones mean we’re changing directions so always follow me and yellow means the mission is terminated. For now, we’re expected to kill as many titans as we can and to return home with one so they can study it. Are we clear?”

“Yes, sir!” answers the rest of the team.

“Let 's go then. We will follow the commander to the wall and we will split up as soon as we’re out. If you don’t do as I say and get lost, we will not return for you, so don’t be a cry baby”.

When everyone’s ready to go, all survey corps of all districts start to march through the streets of Shiganshina, directly to Wall Maria. Jungkook is in the center, behind his superiors and Jimin and Taehyung are by his side. The citizens come out of their houses and work places to greet them, again full of hope. Jungkook looks at them and imagines their faces once they come back victorious. 

“Taehyung!” says one man, approaching them from the crowd. 

“Dad!” 

“We’ll be waiting for you! Make us proud!”

“I will” answers the soldier with a smile.

Jungkook starts to look out for his parents in the crowd, he knows they’re there, but there are too many people and it’s impossible to spot a familiar face. So he pictures their faces, their voices and soft hands. He wants to come back as a hero. And he will.

They arrive at the wall pretty soon and the Garrisons open the gates for them. The commander Kim Seokjin stands in front of the line and takes a blade out.

“Soldiers!” he says. “Devote your heart to Paradis!”

“Yes, sir!” answer all the survey corps at the same time. It gives Jungkook chills. It 's time.

“This is the 45th Expedition Outside the Walls! For Paradis!” says the commander and starts to gallop directly towards the outside.

“Let 's go, kids! Prepare your senses for battle!” says Yoongi and kicks his horse. His team follows him.

“I can’t believe we’re finally doing this” says Jimin, his eyes shine brighter than they ever have.

“Let’s come back and have a drink again!” says Taehyung.

“You’re carrying Jimin this time!” answers Jungkook.

“I honestly wouldn’t mind” says the boy smiling at his friends.

It doesn’t take them long to be outside Wall Maria. The sun strikes Jungkook’s eyes as soon as they are out. Jimin, Taehyung and himself move at the same time and cover their faces because of the impact. 

“Don’t do that!” says Hoseok. “Endure it! You need your eyes!”

“Yes, sir!” say the three of them taking their hand out of their faces.

It’s too much, Jungkook now understands it. The forest is huge and he can’t see an end to it. It’s too hot for him and the horse hurts his legs, but he can’t stop. Right now, he is in more danger that he has ever been in his life. And it’s exciting and terrifying. But he trusts his team and his abilities, he knows they are coming back as heroes. 

Jungkook is now in the land with no restrictions, full of creatures thirsty for his blood. As the team starts to head east, he doesn’t know what awaits them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, I've changed the boys' ages.  
> Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook are all 18.  
> Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi are 23.  
> Seokjin is older than them, maybe 30 years old (he's the commander after all).
> 
> If you have any more questions you can talk to me at @ughnamgi_


	3. Part II: Since that Day

The sound of a flare being shot is heard on the west side. The new soldiers startle, just like they did for every flare shot during the past hour. They turn their heads to the left to see what color it is with fear. Fortunately, it’s a green one. 

“Keep moving forward!” says captain Yoongi. “Follow me, we are changing direction in a few meters”. 

The horses haven’t stopped running since they stepped out of Shiganshina. Jungkook wonders if they are tired, because he is for sure. His nerves are still on edge and he barely has had time to breathe since they left. It’s so tiring, now he understands why the captain has been so demanding about their strength and resistance. This isn’t for everybody, your body needs to be as strong as your mind. Jungkook wonders if their friends regret joining the survey corps now. He doesn’t, of course, this is what he has dreamt of since he was a little kid. However, nothing prepared him for the shock that it brings to see a titan in real life for the first time.

It wasn’t long since they started their mission when a titan appeared in front of them in the woods. He was a small one, as Hoseok told them, but he still was bigger than them and could kill them with just a move. His face was almost human, but with a deformed expression. His body was ugly, unfinished and with no hair. It was the most disturbed thing the boys have ever seen and of course it froze their bodies. Now they understood everything. Luckily, his teammates had experience and killed the titan in an instant. The body fell to the ground making a loud noise that hurt everyone’s ears, and then it started to disintegrate, leaving only huge bones behind.

As they were one of the teams in the east, their job was to kill all the titans they could so the center team could catch one without worrying about being attacked from the outside. They have been doing a great job for now. The experienced soldiers killed most of them but Taehyung managed to get one of them. His friends cheered him up and Hoseok and Namjoon congratulated him. Captain Yoongi told them to stop joking around and stay focused on their surroundings. They all listened to him, the danger was always at the highest level.

“How are you guys doing?” asks Hoseok to the boys behind him.

“Fine, sir!” answer the three of them. Jungkook knows they are lying, he can feel so much pain in his legs that he feels like dying. But he has to be strong so they could come back and drink until they pass out in the tavern. Just the thought of doing that makes him smile.

They keep moving forward, every single little noise makes them startle.

“Namjoon” calls Yoongi. “Prepare the green-”

He is interrupted by the sound of another flare being shot. This time is a red one. And it 's near them.

“Titan spotted in the south!” says Jimin.

“Stay alert back there then” says Yoongi. “If a titan appears you have to kill it before it escapes, understand?”

“Yes, sir!” answers Jimin.

Having a titan behind them it’s a problem because they have to keep looking forward so they can control their horses. So they only can trust their hearing right now. It 's really tricky. However, Jungkook comes out with a plan really easily. He checks the amount of trees in front of them and thinks he can make it.

“Jimin! Taehyung!” he says. “Come closer to my horse and grab the saddle reins”.

“What’s the plan?” asks Taehyung. Jungkook loves the fact that he never doubts him and his ideas.

“I’m going to turn around and stand up on the seat so I can be prepared in case the titan appears”

“That 's insane!” says Namjoon. “You’ll fall!”.

“I can do it! There are not a lot of trees here, I can quickly kill him!”

“But you don’t know when he’s coming!” says Jimin.

“I can hear his steps! He 's not far!”

“Yoongi! Tell him to stay on his horse!” says Hoseok.

Jungkook is expecting the captain to scold him and tell him not to do any crazy thing. But that’s not what happens.

“It’s a good idea” says Yoongi. “But he has to do it quickly. If he falls, we are not coming back for him”.

Jungkook doesn’t wait for even a bit and turns around still seated. Taehyung and Jimin complain but quickly come closer to him so they can hold his horse. Once they have it, Jungkook starts to stand up. It’s really difficult to do it while the horse is running at full speed, but he knows he can do it, he has the enough strength to succeed. And he’s right, in just a few seconds he is standing up steady on his saddle. 

He now can see a small titan running slowly towards them. Jungkook almost laughs, they worried about a single weak titan that they could kill in a second. He prepares his blades and gets ready to jump towards a tree so he can get closer, kill him and come back to his horse. However, he doesn’t do it because something else caughts his attention. It’s another titan, approaching them. But this time is bigger. And is running at full speed. 

“ABNORMAL!” he screams.

“Fucking serouisly?!” screams Yoongi back at him. “Namjoon prepare the flare. KID, SIT THE FUCK DOWN.”

Jungkook puts away his blades and comes back to his original position. As soon as he does, Namjoon shoots a black flare. This is serious. This is the real danger.

“He’s running towards us!” says Hoseok, his voice is covered in fear. “Yoongi! What do we do?”

The footsteps of the abnormal titan come closer to the team’s ears. They have to move quickly or they’ll be crushed by it.

“Keep going forward, don’t stop!” says Yoongi. “Let’s wide the space between us so he has a place to step and move forward!”.

The weird thing about abnormal titans is that they don’t care about humans. They don’t want to eat them, they don’t even pay attention to them, they just move aimlessly and unexpectedly. That’s why they are even more dangerous than the normal ones, there is no way the survey corps know what their next move is. So the captain’s plan is to give it space to move forward and to dodge it’s heavy footsteps. 

Yoongi makes it’s horse move faster than the rest so he can create more space for them to move. Hoseok goes for the left and Namjoon for the right. Jungkook follows Yoongi and increases the horse’s speed, so that they can be at the same height and he can protect him in case something happens. Jimin and Taehyung follow Hoseok and Namjoon steps, the former to the left and the latter to the right. Now there is a huge space in the middle for the titan to cross. 

“He’s getting closer!” says Taehyung. Jungkook can almost hear him because of the distance, but he hears the footsteps near him. His heart is beating as fast as it ever has. That titan could kill them all in a second, or they could succeed. What 's going to be?

Jungkook doesn’t dare to look behind him but he does look to his right side. He looks to the captain and sees his expression. He sees anger… and fear. A lot of it. Jungkook wonders if he should start praying.

The titan comes closer to them, he can hear it. He starts counting in his head. One, more footsteps… Two, he’s coming… Three, someone please help us.

“He’s here!” says Jimin while everyone turns around to see.

And that’s the last thing Jungkook hears him say.

Because it turns out the abnormal titans do pay some attention to them. To their voices. And he doesn’t like them. So the titan changes his course and goes for the left, and in that movement he steps on Jimin and his horse. Jungkook sees his body fall with a thud, as the wings of freedom on the back of his jacket are splattered with blood.

“JIMIN!” says Taehyung. And without doubting it for a second, turns his horse around and starts moving towards the body. 

“Taehyung! COME BACK HERE!” says Hoseok. The titan is now running far from them and towards the center of the formation. However, the other titan, the one that Jungkook wanted to kill in the first place, is not heading towards them.

Jungkook knows what he has to do. He promised it. He grabs the saddle ropes and prepares himself to turn around. But he is stopped by a blade pointing at his neck by the right. 

“Don’t you dare” says the captain, who came closer to him in a second.

“But… They need help!” says Jungkook, with tears forming in his eyes.

“I told you, no cry babies in my team”.

Jungkook thinks on going for his own blades but he knows the captain is capable of cutting his hands if he dares to confront him. Instead, he looks backwards by his left and sees Taehyung graving Jimin’s body and trying to fight the titan at the same time. He needs to help. He promised it. He needs to save them. 

“Hoseok!” says Yoongi, still with his blade up. “If he turns back, cut the horse’s legs”.

Hoseok looks at him shocked. His cheeks are full of tears and he looks at Jungkook with visible heartbreak.

“Yes, captain” he says. “I’m sorry, kid”.

“No, no, no, we need to save them, they are good, they deserve to live longer, I promised them… We’re going drinking today…” Jungkook can’t continue, his voice breaks and he starts to cry. Yoongi puts his blade down.

As they move far from the scene, Taehyung’s screams fill their ears and leave a mark inside them forever. 

-

The mission is a success. The survey corps return home with a titan ready to be inspected and very few casualties. It’s the first time in a while they had had a victory, so the citizens of Shiganshina welcome them with cheers and applause. Jungkook enters by feet, with his horse grabbed by the ropes on his right hand and Hoseok’s shoulder on the left one. He hasn’t said a word since the accident. He can’t, he forgot how to talk. His head is down, he doesn’t dare to look at the people around him. He’s scared he’ll see a familiar face. They walk slowly and some survey corps celebrate their return. Jungkook doesn’t understand, how can they celebrate after what happened? Didn’t they see their friends being eaten? Didn’t they hear Taehyung’s screams? Everything repeats itself in his head nonstop. He knows he’ll never forget it, he knows he’ll have nightmares about it and he knows it’s not going to be the last time it happens. 

He hears a familiar voice call his name while they are walking, but he doesn’t look up. He doesn’t think he can deal with seeing his parents right now. His legs shake and Hoseok grabs him by the waist so he doesn’t fall.

“Only a few blocks more, Jungkook. You can do this”.

Someone asks how he is doing near him, but he can’t answer.

“He’ll be fine” says Hoseok.

Jungkook disagrees. He has changed forever. 

It takes them a long time to arrive at the barracks, or at least Jungkook feels it that way. Hoseok sits him down on a bench and gives him food but he doesn’t eat anything. 

“Jungkook, you need to eat something” says Namjoon. “Your body needs it”.

He doesn’t answer, he has a lost look on his face and stares at the floor while he remembers what happened all over again.

“We know it’s hard, we’ve been there” says Hoseok. “But you can count on us, you know?”

Jungkook opens his mouth and takes a deep breath. Suddenly, he’s filled with an enormous rage.

“Then why did you stop me?” he asks, speaking for the first time in almost three hours. He looks up and Hoseok is looking at him with a confused look on his face. His smile is gone and he looks tired, as he hasn’t slept for years.

“What do you mean?” he asks in a soft voice. 

“If you know how I feel you should've let me go and die with them”.

Hoseok looks at Namjoon like asking for help, it’s definitely hard for them to pick up the right words. 

“We need you here, kid. That’s why we saved you” says Namjoon.

“I don’t think you saved me at all. I could never be forgiven now that I left my friends to die”.

“None of us are forgiven, it comes with the job” says Hoseok. “And it sucks, it’s painful and makes you want to die, but it’s what we signed up for. We have to sacrifice a lot to be able to save humanity.”

“I signed up to save people and I let them die a few meters away from me. How could I live with that?” Jungkook grabs his head with his hands and starts sobbing. Hoseok hugs him and comforts him.

“It’s going to get easy, just you wait” he tells him.

Jungkook disagrees, there is no way life could be better now without his friends, the ones that made him laugh for hours and wiped his tears every time the training was too much for him. There is no way he could get his innocence back now that he has seen death. There is no way he could continue living peacefully knowing someone died because of him. There is no way he could laugh now and not having Jimin and Taehyung by his side laughing with him. There is no way his friends could forgive him now that he had let them down, that he broke the promise he made Taehyung that night at the tavern. 

Is there someone out there who could forgive him?

-

Here 's the thing. Yoongi loves being a captain. He loves to lead his teammates and to come back glorious, he loves the feeling of inspiring others, of teaching them how to be better and of seeing the rookies grow up. But he definitely hates this part and unfortunately he has done it many times. He checks the address again and holds tight the box he carries. He fixes his clean uniform and sighs. Then, he knocks on the door. An old man, probably around fifty years old, opens and looks at him like he was expecting him. Yoongi knows he is not bringing him any surprise news, he probably didn't see his son enter the gates of Shiganshina and connected the dots. But he had to do it anyways, he had to tell him what happened and how. That’s what being a captain it’s all about.

“My name is Captain Min Yoongi” he says. “I’m here because of Kim Taehyung”.

The man makes him enter his house and offers him a cup of tea. Yoongi declines the drink because he wants to leave as soon as he can. The man tells him to sit down on the kitchen table and he does as he says. The house is really small and old, but Yoongi knows a lot of people live there. He read Kim Taehyung’s file, he knows he came from a big and happy family and that he was in the military because of them. He tried to learn everything he could about him before coming because he didn’t want to seem inconsiderate. However, he knows he saw Taehyung heart the day he died, and no file could hold the greatness he carried.

“I know why you’re here” says the man. “We were expecting you so my wife took the kids for a walk. We don’t want them to hear the news like this”.

Yoongi nods. He understands the pain of losing a son because he has seen it in a lot of families. He has delivered the news way too many times.

“I’m here to bring you his belongings” he says. “The ones he had in the barracks”.

Yoongi passes him the box and the man holds it with fear. He’s about to open it with his shaking hands but he doesn’t do it. Yoongi is relieved, he doesn’t want to see the man cry. 

There weren’t a lot of Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin things, they were just rookies after all. But his friends cleaned their room and kept everything they saw so their family could mourn them properly. Hoseok told him Kim Taehyung left a letter for his family down his mattress, and Yoongi thought he was really smart to do so.

“If you’re going to tell me how he died, please don’t” says the man. “I don’t want to picture it. But please, at least tell me he did some good to the country”.

Yoongi thinks that Kim Taehyung did a really great thing for humanity as soon as he applied to be a survey corp. It takes a lot of courage to do it, and it takes more of it to complete the training. He knows it takes a lot of courage to come back for a friend and try to save him, even if it wasn’t a success. Yoongi thinks that Taehyung was really different from himself because the kid would have tried everything to save the fallen ones, but Yoongi tries everything to save the ones standing. He suddenly remembers pointing a blade into the other kid’s… No, into Jungkook’s neck. He doesn’t regret it. He was chosen a captain because of his cold way of thinking in moments of danger. He wonders if Jungkook resents him. He wonders if Taehyung still had that amount of courage while being eaten.

“He did” answers Yoongi. He doesn’t want to get into detail of how much people like Taehyung help their country, even in such a short time. “He was a great soldier and friend”.

The man’s eyes fill with tears and Yoongi knows it’s time to go, he doesn’t want to interfere in the mourning of this family. He quickly stands up and says goodbye. The man lets him go but, before leaving, Yoongi hears him speak.

“Please… remember his name”.

Yoongi knows he’ll be able to comply that. 

-

Jungkook doesn’t know how but he finds himself going to the local church in the middle of the night. After a few days of crying in his empty and quiet room, barely eating and ignoring every knock on the door, he finally found the strength to go out and breath new and fresh air. It has been so hard for him to stop thinking about what happened. Sometimes, he gets up in the night covered in sweat and screaming his friends names. His head is hell and he doesn’t know how much he can take. Last night, Hoseok spoke to him through the door and asked him if he wanted to go home. He told him the military can let him go if he’s not capable of fighting anymore, and Jungkook is considering it. One part of him wants to run home, hide in his bed and let his mom cure him. The other part wants to stay and fight for his friends. The problem is that he doesn’t know which part is stronger. So, he got out of his room and started walking down the streets of Shiganshina. It’s weird for him to see so many people and soldiers laughing and continuing with his life. Haven’t they heard what happened? Why aren’t they crying and suffering like him? Jungkook thinks it’s unfair. After wandering around for a bit, he sees the Church of the Walls from afar and hesitates to come closer. He has never been a person of faith, he thinks it’s dumb to venerate the walls, but right now he just needs to be in a quiet place to think so he enters without thinking about it too much.

The Church is a round construction filled with religious images and a lot of windows. When Jungkook pushes the big wooden door to enter, he notices that the inside is dark and gloomy. He thinks about going back to his room but, as he checks that nobody is there, he decides to stay for a while. The moonlight is the only thing that lights up the place but Jungkook thinks it makes him feel less lonely. He sits on the floor close to the door and stays there for a few minutes, thinking about what Hoseok told him and picturing himself leaving the survey corps. When has he become the person that wants to quit so fast? He doesn’t recognize himself anymore, he doesn’t have dreams, he doesn’t feel anything… It’s nonsense to stay, he’s empty now and it’s no use to stay here. 

Tears start to appear in his eyes when the door to the church opens abruptly. He hides his face from the person who is coming in and wipes his face while standing up to leave.

“I saw you entering and waited for you to come out” says the stranger. “But you’re taking your time and I’m very impatient. Sorry if it’s not a good time”.

Jungkook turns around and sees captain Yoongi standing a few meters away from him and wearing a very clean and new uniform. Jungkook thinks about the last time he saw him in the barracks, after coming back from the mission (two weeks ago? maybe three? he doesn’t remember). That day, the captain’s uniform was full of sweat, dirt and blood. Jungkook remembers well the look of anger and rage in his eyes. They didn’t talk that day after coming back, and they haven’t talked since. The view of a clean and calm Yoongi confuses him, but also comforts him.

“It’s okay” Jungkook says. “I was about to leave anyways”.

“Let’s sit down for a bit” says the captain. Jungkook obeys him and they both sit on the floor side by side. After a moment of silence, Yoongi speaks.

“Hoseok told me you haven’t left your room for weeks. How are you?”

Jungkook looks at the floor and moves his hands nervously. He doesn’t think he’s ready for a conversation like this, even after days without talking to a single person.

“Well... “ he says in a low voice, like he’s scared of breaking a sort of spell if he makes a loud noise. “I’ve been better, of course”.

“But have you been worse?” he asks.

Jungkook thinks about that question and wonders if he has been better since the day everything happened. The return to the barracks seems blurry to him, as much as the days after. This moment is the most real thing he has experienced for a couple of weeks, and it’s really scary.

“I don’t... “ his words struggle to come out. “I don’t know”.

The captain nods.

“I understand how you feel” he says. “The first time is never easy”.

Jungkook wonders if he’ll be able to survive a second time. He also wonders how many times has the captain seen his teammates die. He’s about to ask him that, but Yoongi speaks before him.

“Are you mad at me?”

Jungkook looks up and realizes that the other boy is really close to him. At that distance, he can see the vulnerability in Yoongi’s eyes and it confuses him.

“What for?” he asks.

“Threaten you with my blade, maybe?”

Jungkook remembers that moment and the betrayal he felt from his superiors. Of course he was mad, he was angry for a lot of days, but he was also sad and tired and disappointed in himself. At one point, the emotions became a lot to handle and he shut them all down at once.

“I was, yes” he answers. “But I don’t think I am anymore”.

“You know we were trying to save you, don’t you?”

Jungkook nods and sees a bit of relief in the other boy’s eyes.

“I know. It just doesn’t make it any easier though”.

Yoongi sighs and looks down, as if he’s trying to find the right words.

“In my first mission, five years ago, one of my superiors died” he says. “A titan came out of nowhere and ate him. I was right beside him so I thought for a long time that it was my fault, that it should’ve been me instead.” he takes a small pause before continuing. Jungkook listens to every word he says. “With time, I realized that I had to live with the guilt and sorrow that every mission gives me. It’s pointless to ask myself what I could’ve done better or how could I’ve trained them more, because this world cannot be foreseen and has no mercy. No matter how prepared you are, if your time i’s up, there is no training that can save you. So I live knowing that some of us have very short time here, while others like myself are just waiting for that mission that ends our life.”

They both stay in silence for a while. Jungkook thinks about what Yoongi just said and he agrees, even if it’s a horrible take on life. He looks up to his captain again and feels more connected and close to him than before. He appreciates the fact that he’s trying to make him feel better.

“When do you think my time will be up?” asks him.

Yoongi laughs a little because of the unexpected question. 

“I think you’ll live longer than me” he answers. “I think you will be on my team for a few years because we all like you very much and then you’ll have your own, which you will lead with passion and kindness. Maybe you’ll get to be a commander one day, if Seokjin is able to leave the position at some point”. 

Jungkook smiles at the thought of that future, but he also knows that he’ll have to sacrifice a lot to get there. 

“Hoseok offered me to go home and leave the military” he says.

The captain doesn’t seem surprised. He probably was the one who thought of offering him that.

“And what did you tell him?”

“I’m still thinking about it… What do you think I’ll do?”

“I think you’ll stay here with us.” says Yoongi without doubting. “I think you’ll feel more miserable if you go back to your house and try to forget what happened because you never will. You remind me of myself in my first years, that’s why I know you won’t be able to give up”.

Jungkook knows he is right and is surprised by the fact that the captain seems really cold but actually cares about him. He probably is like that with everybody, that’s why he got to a high level position.

“I’ll stay and I’ll fight with you” he says. “I believe you will bring glory to our country and I want to be there to see it. Even if my life is the price”.

Yoongi smiles at him and then brings a hand to Jungkook’s hair and messes it up playfully. 

“That’s what I wanted to hear” he starts to stand up and offers his hand to Jungkook. “You will have to eat well though, and train harder until our next mission. You know I don’t like cry babies”.

Jungkook grabs his hand and stands up. The touch of Yoongi’s hand is warm and welcoming. He knows he is making the right choice.

“I’ll do my best, sir!”

-

“DO YOU CALL THAT KILLING A TITAN? EVEN MY MOTHER COULD DO BETTER” Jungkook hears Hoseok’s laugh by his right and it makes him smile despite Yoongi’s harsh words. 

“Then let’s see what you can do, captain!” he answers. The four soldiers are flying up in the woods practicing with the cardboard titans. They have been doing this activity for almost two weeks now and Jungkook can feel that their communication and movement has gotten way better than it was before. They were all cheering each other up and the older boys taught Jungkook a lot of cool and new things he can do with his vertical maneuvering equipment. It’s been a good couple of days and the young one has finally found the strength to move forward, now with a new state of mind.

A new cardboard titan appears in the forest and Yoongi and Jungkook fight for the kill. They have been spending so much time together and found out that they’re equally competitive. It was fun at the beginning for Hoseok and Namjoon, who bet every day on who would get more titans that evening. But, as the days went by, they got tired of their endless bickering and decided to stop paying them attention (maybe that way they would stop). 

After a few seconds, it’s Jungkook who kills the last cardboard titan and lands on ground with a cocky smile on his face.

“That makes it my third win this week!” he says.

Yoongi lands behind him with a frown and mocks his way of talking.

“That makes it my third win this week!! I’m Jeon Jungkook, I’m perfect in everything!!” says Yoongi with his voice a pitch higher.

“I don’t speak like that!” says Jungkook in the same tone Yoongi used.

“Yes, you do. Your voice hasn’t changed yet, kid”

“And my back is still in perfect condition, grandpa”.

“Please stop it already, I can feel a headache starting” says Hoseok beside them grabbing his temple.

“I miss the days when one of them was always grumpy and the other one was shy” says Namjoon with a tired expression.

“That was last month but it still feels like a hundred years ago” adds Hoseok.

“You are so dramatic” says Yoongi. “Let’s go eat something, I’m starving”.

The four of them take their equipment out and leave it in the arsenal. Then, they start to walk towards the dining room while Namjoon and Jungkook talk passionately about food and Yoongi and Hoseok quietly follow them from behind.

“He’s doing really good” says Hoseok, breaking the silence. 

“Who?” asks Yoongi, thinking about how much he’s going to eat.

“Jungkook, of course!” says Hoseok rolling his eyes.

“Oh, yeah, he's gotten better since last month. His nape cut is cleaner now and he has no trouble with switching blades”.

“I meant emotionally. I’m surprised he didn’t quit after what happened”.

They both look at a smiley Jungkook who is a few meters ahead from them with sadness. They know how hard it is to keep moving forward after seeing such an ugly situation.

“He seems fine, but I’m sure he hasn’t healed yet” says Yoongi. “I still have nightmares about our first mission”.

“I have nightmares about all of them. I even thought about quitting a lot of times”.

“I remember you almost did once, in the first year” Yoongi looks at his friend, who has a melancholic look on his face. They both have seen such disturbing things over the last five years, they know each other’s pain like no one else.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t because I still had you guys. I don’t know why he decided to stay”.

“Because he’s strong” says Yoongi. “I think he’s stronger than all of us”.

Hoseok looks at the other boy, who can’t take his eyes off Jungkook and his smile.

“You care about him, don’t you?” he asks.

Yoongi looks at him with confusion.

“I care about all of you, even Seokjin. You are my team, my family”.

“So he’s permanent? He’s one of us now?” 

“Do you think I could send him to another team now? He needs us, we understand him.”

“I think you understand him more than anyone, so I’m happy you decided to keep him around” 

“What do you mean?” asks Yoongi, but his friend doesn’t answer.

Hoseok passes his arm around his friend’s shoulder and brings him closer as they keep walking. They stay in silence for a few minutes, watching the other boys. However, Yoongi needs to tell Hoseok something that has been in his mind for a couple of days.

“Hobi…” he says in a low voice. He barely uses that nickname, since he’s the captain and needs to keep a strong appearance in front of his soldiers. Hoseok looks at him and waits. “Don’t you think they’re taking too long?”

The other boy knows exactly what Yoongi is talking about, since he’s thinking the same thing.

“On giving our team new soldiers?” he asks and Yoongi nods. “Yeah, they are”.

“They usually give us a mission at this point. I don’t understand what they are waiting for”.

“They’re probably giving us time to train Jungkook”.

“They have never cared about that, they always want to send us outside to work as soon as possible before the citizens complain about taxes”.

“Then what do you think it’s happening?” asks Hoseok.

“I don’t know… but I have a bad feeling”.

-

Yoongi hates the fact that most of the time he tends to be right. He knew that his worries about not having a designated team yet were because something bad was happening. And he was about to find out, as he is now standing in front of the commander with a few generals and captains surrounding him. He has never felt so alone and helpless.

He tries to calm his nerves, as Seokjin is sitting on his desk with the worst face gesture he has ever had in the last years.

As all the soldiers in the room stay silent, Seokjin stands up and starts the reunion.

“Captain Min Yoongi” he says. “You have been called today to discuss your rank permanence, since a lot of generals think you are not capable of leading anymore”.

Yoongi swallows. This is bad, this is very bad.

“Yes, sir” he says as he’s trying not to show that he’s about to punch someone.

“Do you agree with them?” asks Seokjin.

“No, sir”.

“Why not?”.

“Because my team is one of the best ones during missions”.

“As I’ve been told, an abnormal titan passed your team the other day and not only killed two soldiers but also attacked the center team because you didn’t kill it, is that right?”

Yoongi clenches his teeth, he can’t win that one. He was careless because the abnormal titan surprised him and put the mission in danger. 

“Yes, sir”.

“Is that what being one of the best looks like to you?”

“No, sir”.

“Can you explain what happened?” Seokjin seems cold and strict, but Yoongi knows he’s only doing his job in front of the rest. If they were alone, he probably would just scold him and tell him to train harder.

“We were surprised, sir, and the rookie soldiers were no match to an abnormal titan”.

“They should’ve been prepared, you trained them”.

Yoongi is cornered, he knows every person in this room is against him, but he doesn’t want to give up.

“I understand, sir, I should be more careful next time”.

“You told us that last time when your teammates rebelled against you and your hard techniques of training” says one general next to Seokjin. Yoongi doesn’t know his name and honestly doesn’t care. 

“I don’t think someone should be in the military if they can’t keep up with hard training, sir”. he pronounces the last word with anger as he tries to control himself from kicking his ass. Seokjin raises a hand to make them both shut up.

“I’m afraid I agree with the general” he says. “Is there any reason why we should give you another chance?”

Yoongi wants to tell him that they’re wrong, that there is no one as prepared to be a captain as he is. He loves that position and he worked hard to get it. However, he has had a losing streak lately and thinks that maybe it is better to step back. He also knows there is no use in arguing, the decision is already made. Seokjin has to maintain his position and taking his captain rank away is going to help him to do that. Yoongi understands, as he lowers his head and gives up.

“There isn’t, I accept the punishment” he says.

Seokjin nods with clear sadness on his face.

“Maybe I gave you too much power at such a young age. We can promote you again in the future, if you work hard”.

“I understand, sir” Yoongi can feel the tears forming in his eyes but he refuses to cry in front of all those people.

“You can go now, soldier Min Yoongi” he bows to his superiors and walks out of the room as fast as he can. He feels so weak and vulnerable, he can’t believe he just lost the one thing that meant something to him. What is he going to tell his team now? Are they going to keep them apart? They are going to separate him from his family? He wipes the tears from his face as he steps out of the building. He really needs a drink right now. 

As soon as he is out, the sun hits his face and a voice invites him to heaven.

“Captain!” says Jungkook running towards him. Yoongi doesn’t want him to look at him right now, as he probably looks terrible, but he wants someone to comfort him for once in his life.

“What happened inside?” he asks, with his eyes full of curiosity. “Hoseok told us that the commander called you. Do we finally have a mission?”

Yoongi smiles at him and doesn’t think twice before he comes closer and hugs Jungkook by the neck. The other boy freezes on his spot but doesn’t take long to hug his friend back. They stay like that for a few seconds. Yoongi feels home but in a weird way, like a new feeling that strikes him without warning.

After a few seconds, he steps back and puts himself back together.

“I’m sorry” he says in a low voice. “I just really needed a hug”.

Jungkook doesn’t take his hands from Yoongi’s waist and looks at him in the eyes with true concern. Yoongi feels bad that he made him so worried.

“What happened?” asks the boy.

“They removed my rank” says Yoongi, without being able to take his eyes away from Jungkook’s. “I’m no longer a captain”.

At first, Jungkook is filled with anger. How could they do that to him? To the man that inspires him everyday and cares about his teammates more than anyone? There has to be a mistake, they have to apologize and give him his position back, he deserves it, there is no one like Yoongi. He thinks about going to the commander and tell him to take it back but then he sees the expression on the other boy’s face and sees a vulnerability he has never seen in him, and so his heart melts and his anger disappears. Jungkook hugs him again, because he understands him and knows he needs it right now. They stay there for a moment, which feels so short to them both. Jungkook steps back and grabs Yoongi’s hand.

“Let’s go, captain, let me buy you a drink” he says.

The other boy looks at him with a smile and wonders how Jungkook knew what he wanted to hear.

“It’s just Yoongi now” he says, as they start walking hand in hand, with no intention of letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked it! :)  
> You can find me at @ughnamgi_


	4. Part III: A Dim Light Amid Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Celia for correcting this, supporting me endlessly and always leaving comments that make me smile. You're the best.

Yoongi hates the new captain. He hates the way he talks, he hates the way he moves, he hates his stupid hair and his ugly face. He hates everything about him, and he makes sure the man knows it. Well, that it’s actually not a surprise, since he is his replacement, of course Yoongi was going to detest everything the man did. His friends find it funny how he frowns and complains in a low voice, since he can’t fight the captain or he would be kicked out of the team. 

It was actually pure luck that the four boys ended up in the same team again. Yoongi asked Seokjin if he had helped and he said no, that maybe destiny wanted them always together. They like to think it was like that, that there is something they have to do as a team in the name of this country. Or maybe they just belong together, they don’t know which one it is.

It has been now more than a month since their last mission and now they’re training to go for a new one. Since they are on a bigger team now (and full of strangers), the captain wants to be the best at teamwork and that’s why they train for an unhealthy amount of hours a day. They all hate it, but know that it is necessary for the team to be all on the same page, especially after last time.

Because of that, the boys barely have time to do anything else than training, eating and sleeping. Sometimes they don’t even talk because of how tired they are. However, there are two of them who came up with a tradition to have a drink three times a day in the same tavern just so they wouldn’t go insane. They don’t know when it started, but they are faithful to it. So, every Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays, Jungkook and Yoongi end their days having a drink in the tavern they went the day the older one got his rank removed. Sometimes, Namjoon and Hoseok join them, but most days it’s just the two of them, talking about their lives and likes. Yoongi learned that Jungkook is an only child and was a very kind kid. He always protected their friends from bullies and mean boys and it got him in trouble a lot of times. Jungkook likes to read and is terrible at conversations, he likes coffee and prefers night rather than day. One day when he was little, he tried to escape wall Maria to see the outside and a garrison found him. That soldier told him about the dangers of the world and how they fought for him and his family to make him scared of the outside. But he achieved the opposite. Thanks to that episode, Jungkook’s curiosity woke up and decided to join the military without ever doubting about it. 

On the other hand, Jungkook learned that Yoongi doesn’t have a family anymore. He was really poor when he was little and his parents died of hunger when he was a teenager. He had no other choice than to join the military, but he never hated the idea. He thought that being a soldier would help him with his anger problems and that he could use them against the titans while having a warm plate of food every day. And it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Jungkook learned that Yoongi imagines himself dying for the country and that he thinks he won’t live past thirty years old. He says it with certainty and it’s open about it. He also was a troubled kid and didn’t like school, so he hates reading or any other activity that doesn’t include fighting. He also loves coffee and prefers night rather than day, however during missions he prefers light to see his enemies. Yoongi knows he has a problem with remembering people’s names because he never pays a lot of attention to them and he believes that he’s terrible at making friends. Jungkook disagrees, he thinks Yoongi is better at being social than him. 

Yoongi also told Jungkook that Seokjin treated him like a small brother since the day he arrived in the survey corps. The commander once told him that he thinks that Yoongi has the ability to take his position in the future, and the boy fantasizes with that idea. 

“You could say it’s my dream” he told Jungkook once, and the younger boy saw the emotion in his eyes and begged the universe to please give him that happiness.

So they spend their nights like that, talking without stopping and getting to know every detail of their lives. They don’t know if it’s the alcohol or what, but they always go to bed with a smile after coming back to the barracks.

The day before the beginning of the big mission the survey corps had been preparing for weeks, the four boys practiced all day long until they couldn’t feel their legs anymore. After they were given permission to rest, Jungkook and Yoongi invited Hoseok and Namjoon to join them for a last drink, but they refused since all they wanted to do was to sleep. So the two boys walk side by side until they reach the tavern. They haven’t stopped talking ever since they started their walk and they have no intentions to do it. They sit in front of each other at the table they always occupy and the waitress gives them the two beers they had already prepared for them, since they always drank the same thing.

After a few rounds and a lot of talking and laughing, the two boys are now just sitting in silence, enjoying the moment and the atmosphere. However, some doubts enter Jungkook’s drunk brain and he needs to let them out.

“Yoongi” he says.

The other boy raises his head, since he was leaning it on the table, and looks at Jungkook with red drunk eyes.

“What?”

Jungkook hesitates, but his state makes him talk anyway.

“If I die tomorrow… I want you to tell my parents”.

Yoongi looks at him confused, like he didn’t understand anything he was saying.

“Why would you die tomorrow?” he asks.

“We have our mission, did you forget?” says Jungkook laughing.

“No, no, I know we have our mission… but why would you die in it?”

Jungkook lowers his head, he can’t look at Yoongi right now. He imagines it, he imagines himself dying tomorrow, he believes it’s going to happen. Maybe like Jimin and Taehyung, maybe worse. He is trying to accept the fact that he is going to die. 

“Jungkook” says Yoongi. “None of us is dying tomorrow, or never”.

The younger boy raises his head and looks at the other one, who has a confident expression. Yoongi approaches his hand to Jungkook’s and holds it with comfort. 

“I promise you, everything is going to end well”.

“But how do you know? I don’t think anyone who died outside thought they were dying before leaving” Jungkook thinks about his friends, who had so many dreams but couldn’t fulfill them.

“Because we won’t let anything happen to you, you’re our family. Even if I’m not the captain anymore, we have each other’s back”.

Jungkook's eyes fill with tears and he can’t blame the alcohol now. He holds Yoongi’s hand tight and decides to believe in him. Even if he’s terrified to go out again, to the place he always wanted to go but also the place that took his friends, he will do anything to keep their memory alive and to protect the new family that he has found. He is strong, even if fears load his brain and cloud his vision, he knows what he’s fighting for now. And he will never give up. 

-

This time, the mission is bigger and harder. The commander, the generals and the captains have decided to send most of the survey corps outside to do a simple task: kill the largest number of titans possible to win territory. They’re going out for two days, only resting at night hours since the titans don’t move that much at that time. When the sun is out, they have to move fast, in groups and with their senses alert. The boys’ group is moving on the south of the formation, protecting the center once again with two other groups by their side. They go out together and the day is really calm. Jungkook feels really nervous but having his friends by his side comforts him. Only a few titans appear during their first day ride, none of them abnormal. They kill them without trouble, it’s obvious that they have been practicing hard for this. Namjoon, Jungkook and Yoongi get a few titans each, while Hoseok guards them with his bow and arrows from the horse. At one point, they start competing on which one gets more kills. Of course, Yoongi wins. 

Once they start seeing the sun going down, the captain orders them to prepare the camping. All the groups find a clear spot in the forest and start preparing wood fire so they can eat something. Some of them take care of the horses and others guard their surroundings. When it’s already dark, they eat peacefully and organize their sleeping schedule. Things are really calm and Jungkook realizes that he was nervous for nothing, that they are usually a lot of missions that go well and that they all would be home tomorrow night with a victory on their hands. 

The soldiers prepare their sleeping bags and Hoseok, Namjoon and Jungkook lay down so they can sleep. Yoongi stays up, guarding them during his shift. Jungkook watches him from a distance and wonders what the other boy is thinking about right now. He wants to know everything about Yoongi, his likes, his fears, what makes him laugh, what makes him cry. He needs to know. Once he starts hearing the other boys’ snoring, he stands up and goes where Yoongi is. He sits in front of him and Yoongi looks at him with a smile. The fire is the only thing that lights them up. It’s a bit cold and windy but they are comfortable sitting like this, just staring at each other. 

“You should sleep” says Yoongi after a few seconds in silence.

“I’ll sleep when your shift ends” they speak in whispers so they don’t wake up the rest of the soldiers.

“If you wanted a shift you could’ve just asked”.

“It’s not that… I don’t want you to be alone here” Jungkook looks down embarrassed. Yoongi smiles and messes up his hair playfully.

“I’m fine” he says. “I don’t usually sleep a lot so it doesn’t bother me to stay here for hours”.

“Why is that?” asks Jungkook.

“I have trouble sleeping, my brain won’t shut up most nights”.

“Have you told a doctor about it?”

“No way!” says Yoongi laughing. “What if I have some kind of problem and they make me quit the survey corps? I prefer not sleeping well than not being a soldier”.

Jungkook looks at him and thinks about his next question. He knows that Yoongi gave everything to the military, and he also knows that the military gave him a purpose in return. But he wonders something, as his curiosity never dies when it comes to Yoongi.

“What’s the biggest thing you would sacrifice for the survey corps?” he asks. “Besides your life”.

Yoongi thinks about it for a second, as the question takes him by surprise.

“I don’t think I’m giving them my life, I believe I’m giving them my death” he says. “I pretend to die here, in this uniform, but I’m not sacrificing anything in return. I enjoy being here, I don’t think I’m sacrificing anything of my life for this country, but I’m giving them my way of dying. This world, this outside, decides where I die, but not who I am or what I do with my every day. So I think that’s the biggest thing I’m sacrificing for them”.

Jungkook thinks about it and wonders what is he giving to the military. Unfortunately for him, Yoongi can read his mind.

“So, what about you?” he asks. “What are you sacrificing?”

The younger boy doubts his answer, since he has never thought about it. However, he has it after a few seconds.

“My youth” he says. “I could be living peacefully with my parents right now, I could still be the innocent boy that you meet the first day, but I’m not. Probably all my school friends have fun every weekend and have boring jobs. Instead, I saw my friends die and fear that the rest of them might die too. I can’t take that back, this changed me. That’s why I stayed, because even if I went back to my house and my mom cooked me my favorite things while I talked with my dad, it wouldn’t have been the same, I would still be broken. I didn't want them to see me like that, with dead eyes and a pain so big in my heart. I sacrificed that because I think I can make a change here. With you and Namjoon and Hoseok.”

“What if you were given the chance to go back in time and erase everything, would you do it?”

“Not everything” says Jungkook. “I don’t hate the fact that I met you, you’re my closest friend right now. But if I could erase their deaths and still be a normal boy who you met once in a while, I’ll do it”.

“I wouldn’t” says Yoongi. “Even after everything, I can’t picture myself not being part of this”.

Another silence fills the air as the two boys think about their lives and decisions.

“I think it’s funny how different we think” Jungkook says. “But at the same time we’re really alike”.

“Yeah? I think I’m more good looking than you”

“I’m serious!” says Jungkook laughing. “You’re so annoying sometimes”.

They both laugh and then they stay in silence, enjoying the breeze.

“Are you still nervous about this mission?” asks Yoongi.

Jungkook shakes his head.

“After seeing how prepared we are, I don’t think anything can surprise us like last time. I believe we’ll be home tomorrow”.

“See, I told you nothing was going to happen”.

“And you were right, that’s why I trust you more than anyone”.

Yoongi smiles at that, he wishes that all his teammates trust him with their lives, and now Jungkook, the boy who was so afraid of the outside after what happened, has no fears because of him. That fills his heart, he is so happy that he can be a trustworthy person to the boy.

A few meters away from them, Hoseok wakes up and watches them from a distance with his eyes barely open.

“What are you two doing?” he asks.

“Just talking, sleep” answers Yoongi.

“It’s fine, my shift should be starting soon” he starts to stand up but his eyes are still closed. The other boys laugh at him and how he struggles to wake up.

“Let’s go to sleep then” says Yoongi standing up from the ground. Jungkook follows him.

“Eh? Jungkook is not staying with me during my shift? I smell favoritism” says Hoseok.

“You smell right” answers Yoongi. 

Hoseok grabs Jungkook by the shoulders and looks at him in the eyes.

“Why do you like him more than me?” he asks. “He’s short and annoying, I’m fun!”

Yoongi hits him in the head with his hand and Hoseok complains.

“I’m sorry Hoseok but I’m really tired” Jungkook says laughing. “I’ll stay with you next time!”

Hoseok keeps complaining and sits where Yoongi was before. The other two boys lay down on their sleeping bags and face each other. They are so close, yet so far apart. They look at each other’s eyes, and discover every little thing in the other boy’s face. It’s a weird thing to do, they know that, but it’s comfortable to do it between them and they can’t stop. They want to see everything about the other, share every thought and feeling. Would they have enough time to do it?

Yoongi closes his eyes first, as his tiredness beats his curiosity. Jungkook follows him and begs he can keep looking at Yoongi in his sleep.

-

What wakes them up the next day it’s not the sun or his other teammates. It’s the rain. Soft but annoying rain. When Yoongi wakes up, he sees a fog covering all the camping while the clouds prohibit the sun from being seen. This is bad. He doesn’t know if the weather will stop the titans from moving, but he does know that they won’t be able to ride their horses if the rain gets worse. He stands up and grabs his things. By his side, Jungkook starts to wake up while Hoseok and Namjoon keep snoring like nothing is happening.

“What’s wrong?” asks the boy.

“The weather is terrible, we’ll have to go back” says Yoongi.

He starts walking to where the captain of his team is preparing his horse. Luckily, the fog is not bad yet, so they can see their surroundings without problem. However, they have to be quiet and keep their senses alert.

“Don’t forget we’ll have to shoot the retreat flare once we start to go back” says Yoongi.

“Retreat?” says the captain laughing. “You don’t think we are going back, do you?”

Yoongi looks at him confused.

“Of course we are, it’s dangerous to ride in this weather”.

“Kid, we have prepared this mission for months now and the government gave us a lot of money for us to complete it. We can’t run like cowards only because of a little rain”.

Yoongi clenches his fists. He has to be joking.

“If the rain gets worse, none of us will make it back alive”.

“Then it’s a risk I’m willing to take” answers the captain. “I’m in charge here, as well as two other men who are not you, and we say we continue. If you don’t like it, you can leave and abandon the survey corps, I honestly don’t care”.

“The titans will surround us with no warning, this fog won’t let us see the entire field” Yoongi has to control himself from not punching the man in the face.

“The fog is not that bad, we can still go on. Plus, we don’t know if the titans will come out if there is no sun, so we might be lucky and kill them all in their sleep” the captain finishes to prepare his horse and faces Yoongi. “Now, wake the team up and prepare them to continue the mission. Tell them they can leave if they want to, but that will be considered treason”.

The man walks away, leaving behind an angry Yoongi who feels like killing the captain with his own blades. However, someone grabs him by the shoulder and surprises him.

“What happened?” asks Jungkook, noticing the visible anger in Yoongi’s face.

“He doesn’t want to go back” he says. “We’ll have to go on with him or he’ll consider us traitors”. 

“You’re kidding. There is no way we can ride in this weather!”

“I know, Jungkook!” Yoongi raises his voice and the other boys look his way. He tries to calm down. “But there is nothing we can do, so please prepare your fucking horse and let’s do this quickly so we can go home”.

Yoongi walks away, leaving behind a worried Jungkook, whose face is wet from the slow rain that doesn’t stop falling. 

All the scouts eat something and prepare their horses so they can keep going. Yoongi doesn’t talk to any of the boys during that period, but instead he keeps looking at the captain with his eyes full of hate. He is thinking about telling Seokjin about how idiot the man is as soon as they go back. He wants him fired, just like they did to him. 

When they are on their horses, ready to move, the captain stands in front of his team.

“We’re going out at the same time we agreed with the other parts of the positions, but because of the weather, we might now be able to see the flares so we’re now on our own” he says. “We’re still finishing the mission, as the commander is surely doing the same thing. We’re sacrificing everything for our country and our people, so please don’t forget that. We’re starting as soon as Oluo is shooting the green flare, so be ready.”

The four friends stay in line at the background of the formation, prepared to go into the unknown. Yoongi is still angry and wants to grab his friends and go back inside the walls to be out of danger, but he knows he can’t.

“Yoongi” says the person beside him.

He looks up and sees Jungkook with a confident look on his face.

“You said it” says the boy. “We have each other’s back. So don’t worry”.

The green flare is shot, and the horses start to move forward.

At first, the path is stable and there are no signs of titans. However, they are all alert in case of a surprise attack. They move a few kilometers forward and the situation is the same: there is no titan around. That is also not a good situation, they need to get a few kills to win territory, it’s not useful to them if the titans are hidden or decide to not come close to them. It’s useless if they come back saying they didn’t kill not even one of them on the second day.

“This is like a walk in the park!” says Namjoon. “Where are these fuckers?”

“It’s better this way” says Yoongi. “Hopefully he will give up and send us home before the rain gets worse”.

However, that doesn’t happen. The captain keeps ordering to keep moving forward since his anger towards the titans not appearing gets bigger. With every move they make, the fog around them gets worse. Until they can barely see each other. And then, if it wasn’t enough, it starts raining harder without stopping. Now, they can barely hear or see. It’s the worst scenario possible.

The horses start to get scared of the road and they won’t do what the soldiers order them. Some of them break the formation and disappear in the fog. The rest doesn’t know where to go or what to do, it’s a disaster. Since the four friends are close, they can still send signs to each other and protect themselves. They come closer to the captain together, so they can tell him to stop and find shelter until the rain stops, but the man keeps moving forward without realizing the situation. It’s usually a bad temper that kills the experienced soldiers, and this isn’t an exception.

Yoongi and Jungkook are the first to see the titan jumping towards his captain. They scream at the same time and the four of them move their horses aside to avoid him. Because the man was ahead of them, he doesn’t get the chance to even see the creature approaching him. And so, within the blink of an eye, the captain is gone and replaced with a bloodbath. 

Because of that, the horses get scared and separate from each other. Now Yoongi is in the middle of nothing, alone and searching for his friends. He decides to stop his horse and tries to look around for anybody. He wants to scream but maybe that’ll attract titans, so he doesn’t know what to do. He starts to get nervous and his hands shake as he grabs the blades in case something happens. He hears a scream coming from far behind him but he is not capable of recognizing the voice. That means a titan is near and can attack him at any time. Maybe there are lots of them, just waiting for the right time. Yoongi swallows and tries to trust his instincts so he doesn’t panic. Suddenly, he hears a horse approaching him by the side. He faces him, hoping to see one of his friends riding the animal. Once it’s in his sight, he realizes that there is no one with him. And that the seat it’s full of blood.

All horses are the same, so it could be anybody’s. But Yoongi feels uneasy, he imagines one of his friends screaming a few meters from him and being eating without getting any help. His nerves start to betray him, he’s looking everywhere, waiting for somebody. Anybody. Please.

Suddenly, a loud noise reaches his ears and a titan falls dead in front of him. And on top of the titan is Jungkook, covered in blood and without any blades left. The boy doesn’t wait for a second and gets on Yoongi’s horse. 

“We’re surrounded!” he screams. “I killed a few but saw many more, we need to get out of here!”

“Did you see anyone else? Hoseok? Namjoon?” screams Yoongi with a beg.

Jungkook shakes his head.

“I could barely see the titans and a lot of blood. We need to go”.

Yoongi knows he is right. It’s every man on their own when they’re out. But he still feels bad for leaving.

“They are professionals, Yoongi. There is no way they’ll die here” Jungkook knows exactly what he’s thinking because it’s the same for him, especially after last time. “I know it’s difficult, but we have to go. Now”.

Yoongi nods and prepares to ride the horse.

“Give me your blades” Jungkook says, cleaning the blood, rain and sweat from his face. “I don’t have any left. I’ll protect you from the back”.

Once they do that, they start moving forward slowly and watching their surroundings for more titans. One of them appears by their right, and Jungkook easily kills him and returns to the horse. Their teamwork is unmatchable. They have been practicing for months for a moment like this, there is no way a titan could stand a chance.

“There! A cave!” says Yoongi. “I’ll take us there!”.

He thinks that it’s a miracle to find one cave right now, since they aren’t a lot in the forest. Once they are there, they enter the place and cover themselves from the rain. Yoongi tries to calm the horse and makes him have a rest since they need him well so they can return back home. Jungkook starts cleaning all the blood on his clothes and Yoongi approaches him quickly. 

“Are you hurt?” he asks, as he checks on Jungkook’s body to see any wound.

“I’m fine. It’s just titan blood. My muscles hurt a lot though, I think I used too much strength”.

“Sit down for a bit, if we stay inside no titan will come in, they are much taller than the cave”.

Yoongi helps Jungkook to get to the deep inside of the cave so they can be safe. The younger one sits and complains because of his muscle pain. Yoongi sits beside him.

“I think I broke a rib of something, I fell off my horse”. 

“What happened after we split?” asks Yoongi.

“I went to the right and crashed with a titan’s feet. I fell and quickly started using my equipment so I wouldn’t get eaten. Some of my blades broke at the impact though. I used the titans and the trees as a way of moving while I killed some of them. And then I found you. What were you doing?”

“I decided to stay still so I could maybe hear some of you calling for help, but it was useless”. 

“Yeah, that was a stupid idea, you could’ve been eaten easily… Did you hear something?”

Yoongi sighs.

“I heard some screaming but couldn’t recognize the voice, the rain was really loud. Did you see someone?”

“I was with Namjoon but we split up when I fell. Then I saw a lot of blood on the ground but not any bodies. I think they’ll be fine though, they are smart like us.”

They watch the rain fall from their position. It’s very dark in the cave so they can barely see each other’s faces and their voices fill the darkness.

“All of this happened because of that asshole who wouldn’t listen to me” says Yoongi. “If we went back, we should’ve arrived before the rain got worse. He had that coming”.

“I don’t think he intended this to happen, we all make stupid decisions”. 

“You can’t make those when you’re a captain. He didn’t care about our lives, he didn’t care about anything. I’m sure Seokjin went back with his team”.

“What if he didn’t?” asks Jungkook.

“What do you mean?” Yoongi’s confusion can be heard in his voice.

“What if you find out that the commander also continued the mission? Would you be disappointed?”

“I know him, I know he wouldn’t do such a thing”.

“But just imagine it. What would you do?”

Yoongi thinks about it for a second.

“Yeah, I guess I would be disappointed” he says. “He’s my role model in this life, if he did such a stupid thing I would be mad at him”.

“But he wouldn’t be a bad commander just because he made a mistake”.

“Well, no. Seokjin is a great commander, he always thinks about us and the country, a mistake would never erase that”.

“Then why is it different for our captain?” asks Jungkook. “He was great, he did amazing things during his military days and I believe a lot of people think he was amazing at it. He made a mistake, so please forgive him, because he can’t say he’s sorry now”.

Suddenly, Yoongi gets angry because of Jungkook’s words.

“What are you even saying?” he asks. “It’s nonsense to talk about this because I’m sure Seokjin went back, like anyone would have done. Our captain doesn’t deserve forgiveness, a lot of our teammates died because of him”.

“He was a nice man and didn’t deserve to die like that”.

“Whatever” says Yoongi rolling his eyes.

They stay silent for a while and the rain continues to fall nonstop. 

“I’m really tired” Jungkook says. “My body hurts a lot”.

“Then sleep”.

“My body is going to hurt more if I sleep here, it’s full of rocks”.

“You’re a fucking baby” Yoongi is clearly mad at him because of what he said. But deep down, he knows Jungkook is right. He would also want forgiveness if he made a mistake like this.

“Let me use your legs as a pillow” Jungkook says.

“No way”.

“Why not?”

“You’ll fill my uniform with saliva”.

“And I’m the baby here? You’ll clean it when we get home”.

“If we get home”.

“God, you’re annoying”.

“Fine”.

“Fine”.

After a moment of silence, Yoongi speaks again.

“That day… when I didn't let you go towards Taehyung” he says in a low voice. “Do you think that was a stupid decision?”

“No” Jungkook answers in a heartbeat. “You did the right thing even if I didn’t like it”.

“But how do you know? Maybe if I let you go, you’d have saved him”.

“We’ll never know, it’s dumb to think about it now. You said it yourself”.

“But I need to know… If you think I was a good captain or not”.

Jungkook moves his hand around in the dark and searches for Yoongi’s. It doesn’t take long for him to find it, like a magnet pulled him to it. He grabs it gently and caresses it with love, a love that he has never felt before in his life.

“Of course, you were the best” he says. “And you’ll get back to it one day because that’s your place”.

Yoongi feels relieved because of his words. He cares about what Jungkook thinks of him more than anything in the world. He wants to be a good role model to him, he wants to inspire his soul. 

“You can” he says after a while.

“What?” asks Jungkook, barely awake.

“Use my legs”

“For what?” asks the boy laughing.

“Are you kidding me?” Yoongi starts to get mad again and Jungkook can’t help but laugh at him.

“Fine, fine. I’ll stop before you change your mind” the younger boy drops the other boy’s hand and puts his head in his legs so he can rest. It doesn’t take long for Yoongi to start stroking his hair. It’s comfortable and it feels like a bit of heaven in between the hell they’re living.

“I’ll let you sleep for a while but we have to go when the rain stops, understand?”. 

“Yes, mom”.

After a few seconds, Yoongi asks him another question.

“Do you think they’re fine?”

“I’m absolutely sure” says Jungkook, yawning. “We will be having a drink tomorrow and complaining about how much we hated this day, I promise you”.

Yoongi smiles at that thought. He can’t wait.

The storm is completely merciless, as it goes on for hours. Yoongi is tired and hungry, he has some food in his bag but it’s too far from him and he doesn’t want to wake Jungkook because of it. The boy has been sleeping calmly for hours, not even the endless thunderstorms woke him up. It’s getting late and Yoongi thinks that they’ll have to wait and move at night, but that’s impossible since they can’t rest during the day because of the titans and they’re really far from home. They’ll have to spend another night outside and then move first hour in the morning. The storm starts to call down and that’s when Jungkook wakes up.

“Is it over?” he asks, without changing his position.

“Seems like it, but it’s really late now, we wouldn’t make it to the wall today”.

“Let’s rest then and we’ll go back tomorrow” as Jungkook is saying that, his stomach makes a horrible noise that makes Yoongi laugh.

“Hungry?” he asks, and Jungkook nods. “I think I have some food left in the bag, let me get it”.

“It’s fine, I’ll grab it” Jungkook starts to stand up but he falls on his knees because of the pain in his ribs. “Right, that happened”.

“Are you okay?” asks Yoongi, worried.

“Yes, I need to get used to the pain if we’re going to ride a horse in a few hours because it’s really going to hurt” Jungkook stands up again and moves slowly to the bag. He can barely see so he moves slowly. He searches and searches but he only finds a small piece of bread. Yoongi shrugs.

“I never said it was much”.

They split the food and eat only enough for their stomachs to stop complaining. Once they finish, it’s already night time, which means that it’s Yoongi’s time to sleep. He uses Jungkook’s legs as a pillow and dreams about that tavern they used to frequent.

Once the daylight makes an appearance in the cave, they know it’s time to come out and face the monsters again. They start to prepare the horse and fix their equipment. There are only four pairs of blades left, so they take two each.

“Since you’re hurt, you ride the horse and I’ll kill any titan that is a threat” says Yoongi.

“No, I’m fine, I can do it”.

“It’s an order. Since we’re without a captain I proclaim myself your superior so you will listen to what I say”. 

“Fine” says Jungkook rolling his eyes. 

“You know…” Yoongi starts talking with a low voice, still trying to process what he’s going to say. “We’ll have to take the path where we got lost yesterday so we can return home… So we’ll probably see a lot of bodies and blood. I’m warning you that we won’t stop for anything, the smell of blood probably attracts a lot of titans and we can’t take any risk if we want to arrive safely, do you understand?”

Jungkook stands firm in front of Yoongi and takes his fist to his chest.

“Yes, captain!” he says.

Yoongi smiles at the name he is given once again.

“Let’s do it then”. 

They get on the horse, Jungkook in the front and Yoongi behind with his blades prepared, and start their return to Shiganshina. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you liked it! :)  
> You can find me at @ughnamgi_


	5. Part IV: I Can Hear His Heartbeat

When Jungkook and Yoongi came out of the cave, they knew that their journey wouldn’t be easy. However, they have been very lucky for now. The weather is nicer than it was yesterday and the boys are grateful for that. Another day in that cave would have made their situation worse, since they would’ve been too tired and hungry to come back home and they are sure that the military wouldn’t have sent anyone to rescue them. So they ride both the same horse and try to find the right path to Shiganshina while staying alert. Every step they make hurts Jungkook’s ribs, so they go slow for now. Yoongi holds his blades with strength and looks everywhere for a titan, a horse or anything alive. They don’t dare to say a word, since they fear that any sign of their presence would alarm the titans. It’s like walking on a minefield. They know that it’s going to take them longer to arrive at Shiganshina at that pace, but they can’t take any risks since Jungkook is hurt. It feels impossible to arrive safely, but they have to try. Unfortunately, they do find something that messes up their peace.

What they first notice is the smell. It fills their noses with no mercy and makes them wanna puke. It’s the mixture of wet grass because of last night’s rain, blood and body parts rotting in the sun. It’s a scent so hideous that could destroy any man. They both plug their noses to make it more bearable, but it’s pointless.

After riding the horse a few more meters, they face a disturbing image. What Jungkook and Yoongi see is a puddle of blood and two titans digging in it for something to eat, like little kids playing with mud. The monsters haven’t noticed them yet, so they move slowly closer to them and try not to make any noise. The boys look at each other and nod, they understand what they have to do even without talking. Jungkook grabs the horse’s reins and approaches the animal to the titans step by step. Yoongi grabs his blades and, when is the right time, launches himself towards the creatures and kills them both without wasting a second. The both giants fall with a loud noise and the boys stay still, hoping no other titan has heard that. They wait for a few seconds and they decide that it’s safe to keep going. 

“I think we can talk now” says the younger one.

Yoongi starts cleaning his blade with the grass while complaining about the smell.

“I hate easy wins” says with a frown. Jungkook laughs at him. “Let’s get out of here”.

“Nothing pleases you, does it?” he asks.

“A few things” answers Yoongi, as he starts to prepare himself to get on the horse again.

“Like what?”.

However, the answer never arrives, and Yoongi doesn’t get on the horse. He stays there, halfway into his task, with a shocked expression while looking at the floor. Jungkook looks at him confused, he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

“What is it?” he asks, but Yoongi doesn’t answer. The older one moves away from the horse and falls to the ground on his knees. Jungkook follows him with his eyes, and finally realizes what his friend is looking at. The horse is standing on the top of an arm, a piece of meat that the titans didn’t notice before, and the hand is holding a bow.

Hoseok’s bow.

What Jungkook hears next it’s the sound of Yoongi screaming.

He quickly gets off the horse and grabs the boy on his arms.

“Yoongi! Please! Be quiet! They’re going to hear us!” he begs, but it’s useless, Yoongi does not listen to him. He tries to calm him down but the boy cries harder by the second. His screams are heartbreaking and make Jungkook shiver. He wants to take Yoongi and run away from all this to keep him safe, he wants to erase all his pain and forget what they just saw. Because they’ll never see Hoseok again. And they haven’t ate or slept well and they are far away from home. And they live in a world that cannot be foreseen and has no mercy, just like Yoongi told him. And they’ll never know freedom and peace or see their friends again. That’s enough to break any person, because it was enough to break Yoongi, the strongest of them all. 

Jungkook keeps trying to calm him down as he starts crying too, this is all too much for them and he thinks they don’t deserve this. However, they have no time to mourn their friend, as Jungkook starts hearing loud thumps on top of the screams. He knows exactly what they mean. He looks up, almost praying to be wrong, and sees a ton of titans approaching them. He takes a deep breath and decides fast, there is no time to waste. He endures his body pains and lifts Yoongi on his shoulder. 

“NO! NO!” keeps screaming the boy.

“SHUT UP YOONGI!” Jungkook puts the boy on the horse and gets on it behind him without wasting a second. He grabs the reins and makes the animal go full speed away from the running titans. Yoongi keeps crying and Jungkook feels his ribs are about to explode. The situation is not hopeful, but he refuses to die there.

The boy looks behind him and sees the titans getting closer and closer. He counts six of them and turns back to Yoongi.

“I need you to take the reins and control the horse so I can kill the titans!” he says, but he doesn’t get an answer. Yoongi just cries. “ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? WE’RE GOING TO DIE! THEY’RE FASTER THAN US!”

There is no answer. The titan’s footsteps grow closer and closer as they destroy everything on the way just to get to them. Jungkook doesn’t know what to do and all his body hurts. He 's so tired and just wants this to be over. Maybe it is time to give up and face the fact that they have no future in that world. He remembers his parents' faces, his friends, the people in Shiganshina waiting for freedom, the people lost, Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and probably Namjoon too…He slowly loses the horse’s reins and relaxes his body. He feels the breeze on his hair and face and closes his eyes. It’s time to give up.

However, a sudden sob from Yoongi makes him open his eyes again, and then he remembers. He remembers he still has one more person next to him, the most important person in his life, the one whose death would destroy him.

He comes closer to Yoongi and hugs him from the back.

“Captain… please, I need you”.

And like he was struck by lighting, Yoongi puts his back straight and looks behind him. Jungkook hugs him tight and scared and the older boy grabs his hands. It doesn’t take him long to come up with a plan, after all, he was still the captain in charge. 

“Jungkook” he says as he starts to wipe his tears.

“Yes?”

“We’re not going to make it if they keep following us” he says.

“Then, what do we do?” says Jungkook, without letting go of Yoongi.

“We fight or we die, kid”.

They both grab their first pair of blades at the same time.

“I’m going to stop the horse and hope he doesn’t get scared. After we kill them all we go back here and keep moving on without stopping” says Yoongi and Jungkook nods. “I know your body hurts but…”

“I can do it. We both can”.

They look back and see that the titans are really close to them. 

“I’ll count to three and then I’ll stop the horse. You go left and I’ll go right. We’ll meet in the middle and we go back” they both prepare their equipment to jump into action. “Just like in practice”.

“We got this” Jungkook says, grabbing Yoongi’s shoulder to give him confidence. “We’re not dying today”.

Yoongi nods and starts counting.

“One... “ he says.

“And if we die, we die together”

“Two…”

“As a team”

“Three!”

The horse stops abruptly and the boys launch themselves into the direction they had agreed on. They both go for the first titan on either corner and cut their nape clean and with no problems. The creatures fall while the others start to pay attention to them and try to grab them on the air. Jungkook and Yoongi avoid them and the older one successfully kills the second titan. The other boy struggles, since his ribs hurt a lot and moving is painful. He rests in a tree and after a few seconds launches himself for his second kill. Every movement takes his breath away and makes him feel like he’s going to die. As he’s approaching the titan, he doesn’t notice that the other one is more skilled and that he jumps with his mouth open towards him. Jungkook turns his body around and puts his blades in front of him like a shield. They crash with the titan’s teeth and break instantly. Jungkook falls but uses the vertical maneuvering equipment to go to another tree and not hit the ground. Meanwhile, Yoongi fights the third titan and tries to find the right moment to cut his nape. Jungkook breaths again and starts changing his blades. However, the right part of his operating device doesn’t lock the blade. He tries a few times but it’s useless, the collision with the titan’s teeth broke the entire equipment. He can still use the gas and hooks but it’s impossible for him to fight. He looks down and sees the titans trying to grab him, but he’s safe since he is in a higher position than them. He decides to wait there and hope that Yoongi can kill the three titans left. He watches the boy kill the third titan and then look in his direction, looking for him on the ground.

“Yoongi!” he screams and the other boy looks up, relieved. “My equipment won’t work!”

“I got this!” he answers. One of the titans turns around to go to Yoongi and they start fighting. Jungkook looks at them with attention and follows every move his friend makes. Because of that, he doesn’t notice that the same titan that broke his blades a few moments ago is preparing itself to jump towards him. The creature makes his jump and the entire tree shakes, Jungkook loses balance and tries to grab a branch to keep himself stable, but the force that it requires makes his ribs hurt and takes his breath away, so he fails and falls to the ground. The impact hurts his whole body and he has problems breathing. He starts to cough and the titan approaches him. Jungkook thinks he hears someone scream his name, but he can’t be sure since everything is spinning around him. Everything hurts and his eyes won’t stay open for long. He just needs to rest a little and then he can keep fighting, just a few minutes and he’ll be good again. However, a part of himself doesn’t let him rest yet, he needs to get up and help Yoongi, but his body is not responding. Suddenly, an arm grabs him and makes him stand up. Jungkook screams, it hurts like he’s being stabbed a thousand times at once. 

“LET’S GO TO THE HORSE! THERE IS ONLY ONE LEFT AND I BLINDED HIM!” says the person grabbing him. Everything is spinning and Jungkook can’t even move his feet. He tries his best to follow Yoongi, but all of a sudden the arm of his friend is gone and he falls to the ground again.

“JUNGKOOK!” he hears his friend screaming and forces himself to open his eyes wide to see what’s going on. The titan is blind, as Yoongi said, but it seems like he moved his hands until he found a human. A human he is now taking towards his mouth. Jungkook tries to grab his blades but then remembers he only has one left. He can’t kill it with that, he needs two to take the nape off. Time is running out as Yoongi is slowly being taken away from him. The screams rumble in his ears and they mix with Taehyung’s from the day he died. Jungkook just wants to be quiet, when can he have a normal day again? A day just to be with Yoongi, sleeping or doing normal things. He wants that more than anything, he wants Yoongi to live happy and calm next to him. He’s so tired of war and blood. Can the titans please just leave them alone? Jungkook keeps his eyes open as he sees Yoongi go towards his death, but he refuses to see him go like that. With the few strength he has left, Jungkook grabs his blade tight with his right hand and launches himself towards the titan’s open mouth. It’s a deep cut in the creature’s insides and it makes it scream in pain. He loses Yoongi, who falls to the ground, and stumbles backwards.

“JUNGKOOK! LET GO OF THE BLADE!” screams Yoongi from the back, but it takes Jungkook a lot of time to process what he says. It’s too late for him once the titan closes his mouth and bites his arm. Jungkook doesn’t even scream, he’s too tired for it. He feels something cut onto his shoulder and then he starts falling to the ground. He is catched in the air by Yoongi, who carries him towards the horse.

They start moving as fast as they can, while Yoongi uses one arm to grab a nearly fainted Jungkook and the other one to control the horse. The younger boy doesn’t remember much from the journey back home, as his tiredness wins and he’s taken towards the dark. However, before fainting, he hears the other boy whispering something in his ear.

“Please, Jungkook… Don’t leave me… Not you too”.

-

When they arrive at Wall Maria, they are both completely covered in blood and Jungkook is white and cold. Luckily, no titan saw them on their way back. Yoongi used his jacket to stop the bleeding and it worked for the first hour, but now he needs a doctor as soon as possible. Jungkook opens his eyes once in a while, but he’s not there, he doesn’t listen or talk, he is just trying not to die. Yoongi doesn’t let go of him as he says encouraging words in his ear to keep him awake and strong. He is going to save him no matter what. 

The Garrisons see them come in the distance and open the gate as soon as they arrive. Yoongi doesn’t waste a single second to get Jungkook inside Shiganshina.

“A doctor, please!” he says entering the district. Some guards pick up Jungkook and put him in a cart to get him to the hospital as soon as possible. Yoongi sees him leave and begs the universe to please keep him alive. He gets off the horse and stumbles while he tries to stay still in his feet. He is so tired, he just wants to sleep. A Garrison approaches him and gives him support so Yoongi doesn’t fall.

“Were you on the last mission?” asks the man. Yoongi nods. “The commander came back a few hours ago”.

Yoongi looks at him confused.

“Today?” he asks. The man nods.

“He came alone”.

“What about the other soldiers?”

“No one came back, except you two”.

-

When Yoongi wakes up, he knows he is in a hospital. The scent of medicine and cleaning supplies is so strong that it makes him wanna vomit. He is alone and lying in a bed with new sheets. His dirty uniform is now replaced by a white shirt and brown pants. He doesn’t remember getting changed, but he doesn’t remember arriving at the hospital either. His head and body hurt but he feels better than when he arrived. He gets up despite the pain and goes to the window, it’s day time and the people of Shiganshina are living their day like nothing happened. How many days has it been? Was it all his imagination or did everything really happen? Most importantly, how is Jungkook? The answer to that last question scares him and he doesn’t want to go outside and find it. 

Over the years, Yoongi has been in a lot of missions and saw a lot of disturbing things. But nothing compares to this one, the one that finally broke him and played with his deepest fears. Why is he still alive? Is there something more to him or it’s just life wanting him to suffer even more? 

He is tempted to go outside but instead he goes to the bed again and lies there, just waiting for someone to come with the bad news. He doesn’t know how much time he spends there, just crying and thinking about his friends, his family. He hears the door open but he doesn’t turn around to look who it is, he doesn’t want to see anybody.

“Yoongi?” says a sweet voice. 

The boy startles and sits on the bed in a heartbeat, waiting to see Jungkook standing in front of him. Instead, he sees Seokjin wearing the same clothes as he is and with a bandage in his head and left hand. 

“Are you okay? You slept for three days” Yoongi is disappointed but happy to see his friend there. He looks at him with a clear question in his eyes.

“He’s fine” says Seokjin. “Jungkook is alive”.

Tears start falling out of Yoongi’s eyes without warning, but he doesn’t wipe them. He sobs for a while and Seokjin holds his hand.

“What happened?” he asks.

“I tried to come back” says Yoongi between sobs. “The day of the rain… But the captain said no and we were caught in a fog… He got eaten and we all got separated… Jungkook and I stayed in a cave... And tried to come back the next day… But they found us… They found us because I-” Yoongi suddenly remembers the arm he saw in the forest and grabs Seokjin's hand with strength. “No one else came back? Hoseok? Namjoon?” he asks with urgency.

Seokjin shakes his head.

“Just us three” he says.

Yoongi cries harder and the man consoles him. It’s hard for both of them, most of the survey corps have been killed because of Seokjin’s commands and the three of them came back almost dead. 

“What happened to his arm?” asks Seokjin when Yoongi has calmed down a bit.

“He saved me… And the titan bit him… So I had to cut it off”

“You did good, Yoongi. He’s alive because of you now”.

“We should be dead” Seokjin is surprised by what Yoongi says, but he understands him. “We should all be dead, I don’t know why we’re trying so hard for”.

“Because we are humans, we won’t be satisfied until we get our freedom”.

“We will never win, this is their world and our days are counted”.

“We can try, Yoongi. We can always try”.

They stay like that for a few minutes, Yoongi crying and Seokjin trying to console him. After a while, the boy speaks again.

“I was so sure” he says, wiping his tears. “I was so sure you came back before the storm, why didn't you”.

Seokjin sighs, gets up and goes to the window. It’s almost night time.

“I thought… I thought we were going to succeed. And coming back home empty handed was not a choice”.

“But we did, we came home empty handed and with all our friends dead” Yoongi starts getting mad and thinks about what Jungkook told him in the cave about their captain and his decisions. “I thought you were smarter”.

Seokjin turns around and his eyes are full of tears. Yoongi has never seen the man like that, he always saw Seokjin as someone so strong and capable of everything, the one person that could never do the wrong thing. But he was mistaken. Now, he understands what Jungkook meant. Seokjin is not this decision, he is smart and cares about his teammates more than anyone. He just made the wrong choice, like everyone would’ve. He is human, just like Yoongi is.

“Well you thought wrong” he answers. Yoongi regrets his words, he can’t be fighting with his only friend now. “They fired me for this and the whole country knows I fucked up so I don’t need you to get angry at me right now, not after everything that happened”.

“I’m sorry” says Yoongi without hesitating. “You’re right, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m sorry about everything”.

Seokjin sits again and they stay in silence, thinking that at least they still have each other.

“Jungkook won’t be able to fight again” says Seokjin and Yoongi nods. “It’s probably gonna be hard for him, so please be there when he wakes up. I know you two are close”.

“Yes, we are. I’ll go to his room as soon as the doctors let me”.

“You know you broke your philosophy, right?” Yoongi looks at him confused. “You always tell the new kids you don’t come back for anyone, but you carried Jungkook for hours on that horse knowing it probably was going to kill you”.

“I couldn’t leave him there” says Yoongi in a low voice. “I’d probably have done the same for you”.

“No, you wouldn’t” says Seokjin with a smile. “You would know I would murder you if you did that and you’d let me die in peace, outside. You just couldn’t let him die, so be prepared in case he is angry at you”.

Yoongi pictures Jungkook’s eyes full of rage towards him for saving his life and it makes him wanna cry. Jungkook is going to live the rest of his life as a normal citizen with one arm left because of him. Why couldn’t he just let him die there? Why couldn’t they die together outside? Why didn’t they stay in the cave?

Of course it’s possible that Jungkook is mad at him, because Yoongi dragged him again into this ugly world just because he couldn’t stand to see him die. Pure egoism. He thinks probably Jungkook saved his life for the same reason.

“I’m gonna go now” Seokjin’s words take Yoongi out of his thoughts. “I’m too tired and probably you’re too. I’ll call doctor Jaeger so he can check on you”.

Seokjin stands up and goes to the door. Before leaving, Yoongi says one last thing.

“Thank you” the man smiles and looks at his friend. 

“For what?” he asks.

“For staying alive”.

-

Jungkook has a weird dream. He is in his house with his parents having lunch. His dad is reading the newspaper and his mom is cutting his food. He sees them too tall and big, so he probably is the little one. Jungkook doesn’t know if this is a memory or a dream, but he feels good and safe. He eats the meat on his plate and it’s delicious. He wonders when did his dad gain so much money for them to eat such an expensive food, but he doesn’t worry about that, he is a kid, he’ll worry later. His parents talk about something he doesn’t quite understand and his mother laughs. That sound makes him warm inside and fills him with joy. He loves seeing his mom happy because it doesn’t happen often. He likes being there and hopes he can stay forever. When he finishes his dinner, his mom tells him it’s time to go to bed.

“But I want to stay with dad a bit more!” he complains. Jungkook doesn’t spend too much time with his dad since he’s always working so they can have a plate of food every day. His mother doesn’t spare him any mind and tells him to go to sleep. Jungkook walks towards his bedroom with an angry face and his arms crossed, just like the little kid he is. Once he enters the room, his perspective changes. He’s taller now and his body feels heavier. His bedroom is exactly as he left it the day he went to become a training corp. However, there is something different: Yoongi is asleep in his bed. Jungkook approaches slowly so he doesn’t make any noise that wakes him up. He gently sits on the bed and watches Yoongi sleep. He seems so calm and happy, Jungkook is glad to see him like this. He wants the boy to be like that all the time, he wants to erase all his pain and just be with him where nothing can hurt them. He takes his hand to Yoongi’s cheek and starts to caress it softly. It feels like the best thing in the entire world and Yoongi smiles in his sleep. He suddenly opens his eyes and looks at Jungkook with love, just like he always does.

“Jungkook” he says with such affection that makes the young boy shiver. Yoongi repeats his name, this time with concern and Jungkook is confused. He hears it a third time, but not from the Yoongi in his dreams, but the real one. Jungkook is pulled away from his fantasies and dropped in reality once again. He opens his eyes slowly and the first thing he sees is Yoongi, but this one looks broken and sad. This is the Yoongi that Jungkook wants to fix and make happy. He tries to take his right hand towards his cheek to caress it just like in his dream, but his arm doesn’t respond. He lowers his head, thinking that maybe his arm is just being crushed by something that doesn’t allow him to move. But the arm is just not there. Instead, he has just a stump with a lot of bandage. He starts to panic and Yoongi tries to calm him down.

“Please, Jungkook, you need to rest” he says, trying to get Jungkook to lay in the bed again, but the boy refuses. 

No words come out of Jungkook’s mouth, he tries to say something but his body doesn’t listen to him. He starts crying out of despair and sorrow and the sobs make his rib hurt. He’s in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. He hears Yoongi call the nurses as he keeps crying and trying to get up. He doesn’t remember much after the doctor comes to his room. But now he is sleeping again and dreaming about a perfect life with Yoongi on his side.

When he wakes up again, the shock of not having an arm is less than before. He doesn’t know how much time has happened since he was awake, but he sees from the window that it’s night time. Yoongi is sitting beside him and has his head pressed against Jungkook’s left hand. The boy thinks he is sleeping, since he’s not moving at all. He wonders what Yoongi is dreaming about (if he’s dreaming at all). Jungkook lies there for a while, feeling the other boy’s warmth and comforting himself with it. He doesn’t remember much of what happened after he fell off the tree, but he’s alive and inside the walls again. At some point, he’s relieved, but he wonders what is going to happen now that he has only one arm. His soldier life is definitely over, the survey corps won’t take the risk to have him in their team just to die on the first day. So, what 's next? Is there any future at all? What is Yoongi thinking about all this?

His thoughts overwhelm him and he starts to panic again. The tears fall from his face without stopping and he tries to hold the sobs, but it’s useless. Yoongi wakes up startled by the sound and doesn’t hesitate once to hug Jungkook. He does it slowly, so he doesn’t hurt him.

“You’re okay now” he says. “Please don’t cry”.

His soft words make Jungkook cry harder. He holds Yoongi with his arm like he’s the most precious thing to him, because he is. Each other is all they have left now.

-

Yoongi tells Jungkook he has been sleeping for almost two weeks and that he sometimes woke up for a few seconds, panicked and went back to sleep again. Jungkook just remembers the last one and the doctors tell him that it’s normal because of the shock. They spend one more week in the hospital after he is fully healed from his wounds. His parents visit him and bring him comfort. Yoongi tells him what happened outside and what he missed inside. They have a new commander now, Erwin Smith. Yoongi thinks he won’t last long and that they’ll put Seokjin at charge again in a few months. Jungkook hopes he’s right. They eat, sleep and spend most of their time together in the hospital. Yoongi leaves sometimes to shower and change his clothes, but he always comes back right away to Jungkook.

The younger boy appreciates that, since it’s really hard for him to accept his new lifestyle. He cries a lot and complains about the pain, but Yoongi is always there to comfort him and to tell him that they’re going to be alright. 

They talk a lot. They talk about their childhood, their training period and Yoongi tells him stories about his first years in the survey corps. Jungkook listens with attention and tries to remember everything he is told. The older boy talks about Hoseok and Namjoon, about their lives and dreams and he tells the most crazy stuff they’ve done together. Jungkook tells him about Taehyung and Jimin and how they always cheered him up in their training days. They remember the people they lost with a smile, even if their hearts are crying. 

Jungkook doesn’t dare to tell Yoongi how much he means to him and that he never wants to be separated from him, but he’s sure that the other boy knows everything. Yoongi can see through him, he knows when he’s sad or angry or just wants some food. Instead, Jungkook has a difficult time understanding what Yoongi wants now. The last mission changed him a lot, he’s more open now and cheerful, and that concerns Jungkook. He wonders if the other boy is okay and if he feels the same way about him. He can’t ask because he’s afraid he won’t like the answer.

The last day in the hospital, Erwin Smith, the new commander, visits them. He apologizes to Jungkook and Yoongi for the mistakes the military has made and assures them nothing like that will ever happen again. The boys decide to trust his word. The commander also brings Jungkook a medal of honor for his duty and congratulates him. With that, he makes clear that he is out of the survey corps. The boy understands, he is not useful now and feels a little bit relieved that he can finally go home and rest. Yoongi thinks he doesn’t have to congratulate him for losing an arm and the commander understands. Jungkook requests that they let him keep his uniform and his broken equipment as a way to remember what he had been through. Smith accepts and makes the soldiers give him his clean uniform and equipment. With that, he leaves the room and wishes Jungkook a good life. The boy wishes the commander success. 

After leaving the hospital, Yoongi takes Jungkook to his house. He needs to use a wheelchair to move, since his ribs are still healing, so his friend carries him through the streets of Shiganshina. Yoongi is still using his uniform and Jungkook has his equipment and jacket on his lap. Strangers congratulate them while they’re passing by. It looks like their story has reached all the corners of the district. They smile and say thanks, but inside they don’t think they should be congratulated. 

They pass the streets in silence and soon arrive at Jungkook’s childhood home, which is really close to the wall. His parents are waiting for him on the entry and the boy starts crying when he sees them. They hug for a while and cry together. Jungkook is finally home.

They invite Yoongi in for a cup of coffee and he agrees. It’s weird for him to see a family like this, so happy and loveable, because he hasn’t been around that type of people in a while. So he decides to let himself enjoy this environment, at least for a little bit. 

Inside, the house is very little and it reminds Yoongi of his home. Of course, most houses in Shiganshina are the same, since they are all poor, but it’s the air that fills his lungs what reminds him of his parents and his childhood days. It makes him nostalgic, but he doesn’t miss the hunger and the sadness in his mother’s eyes. He knows she was better dead than living in a nonstop misery, and he let her die in peace. His dad didn’t wait long to join her, and Yoongi didn't blame him. They had nothing but they loved each other, not even death could tear those two apart. 

That’s when Yoongi became friends with death and he lost his fear towards her. However, he wonders why he couldn’t let Jungkook embrace her and why he is so scared that he will do it someday. He knows everybody dies, he even knows how himself is going to die, so why couldn’t he leave Jungkook to die in peace just like he had done with his mother? The slightest thought of the boy dying makes him wanna cry and the fact that he probably cares about him more than he ever cared about anybody in his life scares him, but he can’t let go now. 

For now, he leaves those thoughts behind him and listens to Jungkook’s mother, who is telling him funny stories of the boy’s childhood. Jungkook’s parents are nice and have the same look on his face as he does. Yoongi smiles at the conversation and finds himself being genuinely happy and comfortable after a long time. 

After drinking two cups of coffee, he realizes it’s probably time for him to leave. Jungkook’s parents beg him to stay the night at their house so their son can adapt better to his new lifestyle. The younger boy doesn’t object so Yoongi decides to stay one last time with him before going back to the barracks. They eat dinner and keep talking about nonsense things. It seems like the adults are celebrating that their boy is finally back with them, while Yoongi and Jungkook are sharing one last drink together.

They finish dinner quickly and they all help Jungkook go to bed since he’s still very tired and needs to recover. Yoongi is given a mattress to put in the bedroom’s floor and the mother apologizes because they don’t have anything more, but the boy doesn’t mind. He also gets some of Jungkook’s clothes from when he was a young teenager and they laugh because they fit him perfectly. After settling everything down, the both boys are lying in their beds and watching the ceiling, unable to sleep. Jungkook tries to move a bit to see Yoongi’s face, but his body hurts and he groans because of the pain. The older boy stands up immediately and approaches him.

“Are you okay?” he speaks in a low voice so Jungkook’s parents don’t listen to him and get worried.

Jungkook takes deep breaths and nods with his head.

“I just moved a little but it hurt everywhere”.

“Take it easy. Why did you move? Do you need something?” Yoongi fixes the bed and helps Jungkook to lay again.

“I just wanted to see if you were awake”.

“You could’ve just asked” the older boy laughs a little while Jungkook keeps complaining because of the pain. “What did you want?”

“To talk, I can’t sleep”.

“Fine, I’ll go to bed again and we can talk”.

“No” Jungkook grabs Yoongi’s hand so he doesn’t go away. “I want to see your face while we talk, stay here” the boy tries to move a little so the other one can lay down with him, but fails because of the pain.

“Don’t move, you idiot!” Jungkook takes deep breaths for a while to calm down while holding Yoongi’s hand tightly. The older boy feels sorry for him and just wants to take all his pain away. He doesn’t think twice about occupying the little space in the bed that 's between Jungkook and the floor. He’s about to fall down but the younger boy is quicker than his body and grabs him by the waist. The move hurts him a little but he endures it. Yoongi puts his left hand on Jungkook’s chest to comfort him and to take a bit of weight out of his arm.

“There, now we can talk” says Yoongi. The other boy turns his head to the left to see his face. They are so close, but it’s not uncomfortable or embarrassing despite the little space left. They stay like that for a while, just looking at each other’s eyes and enjoying their warmth. Jungkook’s pain finally calms down and now he’s able to breathe normally again. 

“Are you okay?” asks Yoongi in a whisper. He’s afraid that if he speaks louder, the little world in which they’re both in will break.

“Yes” says Jungkook. “You?”

“Perfect”.

Yoongi caresses Jungkook’s chest and the boy does the same thing in his waist. It feels so good to be like that, they feel like they’ve finally found where they belong.

“What did you wanna talk about?” asks Yoongi after a while.

“I already forgot”.

“Then, can I go to bed and sleep now?”

Jungkook hardens his grip and puts Yoongi closer to him.

“I’ll take that as a no” Jungkook laughs a bit and Yoongi feels a million things at the same time. He still can’t understand it. 

Jungkook closes his eyes and he approaches his nose to Yoongi’s to slightly touch it. It tickles the older boy but he doesn’t complain.

“Are you tired?” asks Yoongi.

“Yeah, you?”

“A bit” actually, Yoongi is really tired, but he can’t imagine himself sleeping in this position and with his heartbeat going a thousand miles per hour. 

“Thank you… for staying tonight” says Jungkook, still with his eyes closed. His mouth is so close, Yoongi has to contain his desire to cut the distance. 

“No problem” he says, trying to breathe normally again.

“Can’t you stay tomorrow too?” Yoongi smiles at that idea and pictures a world in which he and Jungkook can sleep like that every night.

“I can’t. I have to go back to the barracks” the younger boy opens his eyes and frowns. Yoongi wants to kiss the space between his eyebrows to make it disappear. 

“When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know yet, but I could probably come back and have dinner next week, after things are a little more organized in the survey corps” Jungkooks sighs, his disappointment is visible. 

“I’m going to miss you” Yoongi’s heart beats faster, he doesn’t think he can take this any longer.

“I’m going to be back soon, you won’t even notice I’ll be gone”.

“Of course I’m gonna notice” says Jungkook rolling his eyes. “Aren’t you going to miss me?”

Yoongi feels his cheeks getting red and his hand shakes because of his nervousness. He doesn’t understand how a person can make him feel like that, in a way he has never felt before. He doesn’t find the right words to say, because he can’t tell Jungkook that he’s going to miss him every second he’s not with him. He can’t put those feelings into words, it's too hard for him. Jungkook opens his eyes, impatient.

“Tell me” he begs.

“Yes” Yoongi feels his eyes filling with tears, he’s overwhelmed by all that Jungkook represents to him. It 's too much.

“Then stay” says Jungkook, coming closer and closer to Yoongi’s face.

“Yes” it’s the only thing that the boy can say, as the tears start falling through his cheeks.

It’s Jungkook who breaks the distance and kisses him. It’s a kiss with such love and affection that could make any lovers jealous. Yoongi accepts him and uses his hand to bring his face closer. Jungkook’s body hurts, but the amount of love he feels tops all pain. This is it, this is what they need to heal. Just pure and genuine love. They kiss for a long time, like they won’t have the chance to kiss ever again. They kiss again and again, and every one of them is more intense than the last one. There are no words needed, they say everything with their mouths and hands without getting tired of each other. Jungkook kisses Yoongi’s face, cheeks and neck and the other boy cries out of the amount of happiness he feels. 

After a while, their bodies get tired and they steal each other lazy kisses. It doesn’t take them long to fall asleep, both with a smile on their face and their hearts finally at peace.

The next morning, Yoongi is the first one to wake up. His body hurts because of the uncomfortable position he slept in but he can’t complain at all. He kisses Jungkook on the forehead and goes to the bathroom. There is no sign of the boy’s parents so Yoongi thinks they might be working. He prepares breakfast for Jungkook and then puts on his uniform again. He should be going soon to his training, so he goes to the boy’s room and helps him to stand up. Jungkook is still half asleep when Yoongi puts the plate in front of him. Yoongi shakes him by the shoulder and Jungkook finally opens his eyes.

“Good morning” says the older boy laughing. “Can you eat by yourself? I really have to go”.

Jungkook nods and grabs the spoon with his hand. He looks at Yoongi, confused.

“Go where?” his voice is really deep and Yoongi has to force himself not to kiss him again right there.

“Training, I told you yesterday I start today”.

“But you told me you’d stay” Jungkook is now completely awake.

“When did I say that?” Yoongi stops preparing his uniform and looks at him confused.

“Last night”.

“Yeah but I didn’t mean…” Yoongi tries to find the right words. “I never said I was going to leave the survey corps”.

“Then what did you mean?” Jungkook is clearly hurt since he misunderstood the situation. Yoongi comes closer to him and kneels in front of him to look into his eyes. 

“I got caught in the moment, okay?” the younger boy snorts and looks away. “But I’ll come in any chance I get to see you”.

“I don’t want you to” says Jungkook without thinking twice. Yoongi starts getting nervous and he grabs his hand softly.

“Why are you saying this? You told me yesterday that you’ll miss me and now you don’t want to see me anymore?” 

“I thought you’d change your mind” Jungkook is still not looking at him.

“Then what? Everything you did was to make me quit? Because you can’t go with me?” Yoongi stands up angrily and takes a few steps back. “You didn’t mean anything?”

“Of course I did! There are so many things I want to tell you but I haven’t yet” Jungkook finally dares to look at him, he has tears in his eyes.

“Then what the fuck is wrong with me leaving to do my job?” they are both clearly upset at this point. The distance between them has deepened once again.

“The problem is that I don’t want to stay here alone waiting for you and not knowing if you’re coming back or not!”

“But I’m telling you, I’m coming back” Yoongi doesn’t understand where the problem is, he never thought Jungkook wanted him to quit the military.

“But you don’t know that! You could die on the next mission and I don’t want to cry for you my whole life when we could stay here happy together!” Jungkook is now fully crying. The breakfast is cold and forgotten on the table. There is a silence, only filled with the boy’s sobs.

“Are you seriously telling me to leave the survey corps?” asks Yoongi.

“Yes”.

“For what? To stay here being a fucking baker or a welder?” Yoongi laughs at the thought of him being a normal citizen of Shiganshina. 

“To stay here and be with me, finally at peace and with no risk of dying every day” Jungkook’s whole body hurts again. “Why isn’t that enough for you?”

Yoongi takes a step towards Jungkook, he wants to calm him down and comfort him. He’s really angry but seeing the boy in pain just makes him wanna hug him. Jungkook moves the wheelchair backwards with his hand. It’s a clear message for Yoongi to stay away.

“Jungkook…” he says, getting emotional. “I owe the military my life, they saved me. I owe my dead friends a fight against the titans, even if it takes my life. You know that, you know me better than anyone. You can’t ask me for this” Jungkook doesn’t answer. “And I’m sorry, for cutting your arm and not allowing you to fight anymore. It was completely my fault. But I can’t leave without giving my all to them”.

“Then don’t come back, I don’t want to live waiting for you. If you won’t be happy with me then I don’t want to see you again”.

Yoongi nods and wipes his tears. He understands, but he can’t do what Jungkook is asking him.

“You’re right. This won’t ever be enough for me and you deserve something better” he walks towards the door and turns around one last time. “I’ll fight for you too, so you can see the outside again one day, without worrying about the titans”.

Yoongi is about to open the door when he hears his name being called for the last time.

“Please…” says Jungkook crying. “Please, stay. I love you. You’re all I have left”.

Yoongi doesn’t allow himself to look back, if he does he’ll never be able to go. He opens the door and leaves the house. He starts his way back to the barracks, but this time all by himself. No Seokjin, no Hoseok, no Namjoon and no Jungkook by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this au with a little idea I had that it's used in this chapter. This is one of my favourites things I've written and I hope you like it. I'm proud that a thought I had after watching aot became this huge story to me.  
> As always, you can find me at @ughnamgi_


	6. Part V: The Fall of Shiganshina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before reading this, please remember that the events of AOT are changed here for plot purposes.

The doors of Wall Maria open up once again and the survey corps enter Shiganshina. The people wait for them, as usual, to see if they were successful. This time, Yoongi enters almost last on line, with Seokjin on his side. It has been almost a year since their ranks were taken away from them and they can’t seem to find a way to climb up to where they were. They do their best on every mission but the effort is almost in vain, the new commander is strong and wouldn’t dare to take a risk on them. So they live as normal soldiers, always in different groups and captains. But always together. 

While they’re making their way to the barracks again, the people of Shiganshina watch them and talk about their failure. Yoongi doesn’t pay attention to them. Instead, he looks at the crowd and searches for a pair of familiar and warm eyes that he never finds. He sees kids looking at him with respect, women looking at him with sadness and men looking at him with anger. But he never sees him. And he is not surprised about it, he made a choice and the boy will never forgive him. That 's his reality.

Seokjin realizes what he is doing and comes closer to him.

“Every time we lose more horses than men and we have to get home walking, I think about getting eaten” he says with a funny tone.

Yoongi smiles because of the nostalgia and gives up on his search.

“He was right that day. I wish I was dead every step I take” he complains.

“He was always right, Namjoon was a smart kid” Yoongi looks at him confused and Seokjin laughs. “He was!”

“I think you are getting confused with someone else” they both laugh at the memory of their friend as they continue walking. 

Once they make it to the barracks, Yoongi and Seokjin hurry up and go to the diner. They always come back starving from the missions and this time was not the exception. They eat a lot and without a pause, and, when they finish, they stay seated just trying not to fall asleep. They have done this routine for a couple of months now, since the missions have gotten boring and none of them have suffered any injury. Yoongi thinks that only having Seokjin outside with him is better, now he doesn’t have to worry about anything more than one person. Besides, his friend is one of the best soldiers out there, titans can’t even touch him. So Yoongi lives in peace, doing his duty as a survey corp. But just really bored.

“I think we are too good” says Seokjin. “Maybe if we were worse at our job it would be more exciting”.

“Maybe we can play a game, like how many titans we can kill in a day” says Yoongi with his head resting on the table and his eyes closed.

“We did that months ago, remember? We quit after tying five times in a row”.

“Oh, you’re right”.

“This sucks, I miss being the commander” says Seokjin. “Back then I had to take care of everybody and they respected me. Now I even hate you”.

“We see each other too much” Yoongi says, laughing.

“Maybe I should get a wife and become a farmer or something”.

“Who would want to marry you? You’re annoying” Yoongi looks up and sees his friend laughing. He really likes to spend time with Seokjin, they just like to joke a lot.

“You’re right, maybe we should g-” he never gets to finish the sentence as a lighting strikes something outside the walls and shakes the entire district. Yoongi falls off his chair, he complains and gets up. When he does, he sees Seokjin looking outside the window with a shocked expression. 

“What is it?” asks Yoongi. His friend doesn’t answer. He follows his view to find out what’s happening and he can’t believe it. It’s a hand, a hand grabbing the wall from the outside.

“Is that...” asks a soldier behind him. “A… a titan?”

“It can’t be!” says another. “The wall is 50 meters tall!”.

Seokjin moves and goes outside, Yoongi follows him so he can see better. As they do, a head starts appearing along with the hand. There is a giant titan, with no skin and steam coming out of his body outside Wall Maria. 

“This is impossible” says Seokjin. All the citizens of Shiganshina are unable to move at all, they’re waiting to see what the titan is going to do next.

The next seconds mark the end of Shiganshina.

The titan lifts up his feet and kicks Wall Maria without thinking twice. The pieces of material that come out of it fly in the sky and land on the houses and humans that are nearby. All that’s close to the hole is now completely destroyed. The chaos spreads across the place, as different titans enter the district without stopping.

“Let’s go!” says Seokjin. They launch themselves towards the wall to go kill as many titans as they can before they invade Shiganshina. It’s fortunate that they didn’t even take off the equipment yet. As they are moving towards the hole, the big titan that destroyed it disappeared in the air.

“He’s gone!” says Yoongi. “What the fuck was that?”

“No idea! But we have to move quickly!”

They see people running everywhere and screaming in fear. Some of them cry for their loved ones since they have been crushed by parts of the Wall. There is blood everywhere and the houses are completely destroyed. It’s nonsense, nothing like this could ever happen but it did. They could never know peace from now.

Yoongi stops on a rooftop to breathe, everything is too much for him. He can’t believe this is happening. How are they supposed to kill so many titans? How are they going to cover the hole? Is that titan going to appear again and destroy them all? How many people are already dead? 

And then, he remembers. He remembers that Jungkook leaves near the wall. 

He changes his path without thinking twice. He hears Seokjin calling his name, but he has to make sure that the boy is fine before worrying about anything else. It’s a necessity for him. 

He uses the equipment to move from block to block. He remembers clearly where Jungkook lives, since he used to go there sometimes just to try to see him and maybe apologize. He has thought of so many words to say to him and he imagined Jungkook forgiving him and accepting his choices so they could live happily at least once in a while. But he never got the courage to come close to the house and knock on the door. Sometimes, he saw Jungkook standing on the porch just by himself. But he couldn’t talk to him, he becomes a coward when it’s about the boy.

He follows a path full of destruction and death until he finds the house that he was searching for. Or at least the remains of it. He stops the equipment and stands outside the place. The door that he once crossed saying goodbye to his lover is one of the few things standing. All the houses in the block are destroyed, and it breaks Yoongi’s heart. He comes closer to the remains and starts to pick up some of the wood.

“Jungkook?” he asks with fear. Nobody responds. “Is there anybody alive?” nothing.

Yoongi feels the tears fill his eyes and a lump in his throat that makes it difficult to speak.

“Please… please” he says.

“What the hell are you doing?” Yoongi barely hears that, but he is sure that’s Seokjin coming for him. He doesn’t want to, he can’t fight anymore. He hears screams and big footsteps as he keeps searching between the remains for a sign of a person, dead or alive. He doesn’t even realize that someone is coming closer to him, until he is grabbed by the arm. 

“Yoongi, stop” says the person. He turns around and, between the tears, he sees Jungkook full of dirt and with a concern look on his face. “Are you okay?”

Yoongi can’t find the words, he tries to say something but nothing comes out of his mouth. Instead, he breaks the distance between Jungkook and him and gives him a hug. He had to make sure he was real, that he was not imagining it this time. Jungkook grabs him with his arm and keeps Yoongi from falling. He is a mess, they both are. The entire district is. 

They hug for a few seconds and then Jungkook takes a step back.

“I need your help” he says. “I need to get those kids to the other side of the wall so the garrisons can keep them safe”.

Yoongi looks behind them and sees two little girls crying and waiting for Jungkook. 

“What happened?” he asks.

“I take care of them on weekdays. We came out of their house when the lighting struck so we didn’t get hurt when the door was destroyed”.

“Your parents?” asks Yoongi.

“Working. Don’t worry, they’ll be fine. I need to take care of this before searching for them”.

“I’ll help you” says Yoongi, pulling out a pair of blades. “I’ll clean the way and you run”.

Jungkook nods and then takes a second to hug Yoongi again.

“I missed you” he says.

Yoongi smiles at him and restraints himself so as to not kiss him.

“Let’s do this”.

Jungkook grabs the smaller girl on his arm and the other one holds his t-shirt. They are both crying so the boy tries to calm them down. Yoongi makes sure his equipment is ready and tries to grab himself from the walls that are still standing. 

“Are you ready?” asks Jungkook.

“Yeah, I’ll cover you from the roofs” and with that, Yoongi launches himself to a house so he can see the streets better. A few titans are a few blocks away from them, focused in another house and searching for bodies. He decides to wait for them to get closer. Jungkook starts walking slowly and cautiously, he doesn’t want to alarm any titan. Yoongi points him in which direction he should move and he obeys. As they come closer to the group of titans that Yoongi saw before, Jungkook hides himself and waits for the other boy, who quickly steps into action and kills three titans in a blink of an eye. He is still very tired from the last mission, but that won’t ever stop him from protecting Jungkook. The monsters fall to the ground and start dissolving. They move a few blocks more and try to be sneaky so they won’t have to fight any more titans. The streets are a mess of bodies and blood. Jungkook tries to cover the girls’ eyes but he knows it’s too late. It’s easier now for them to hide, since they are surrounded by houses that survived the kick. Slowly, they come closer to the other extreme of Wall Maria that’s still standing so they can get help there. However, the number of titans increases and they see people running everywhere and screaming in horror. The closer they get, the bigger the mess is. 

As they’re trying to cross from one block to the other, Yoongi hears a loud noise coming from his right. It’s footsteps but at a weird pace. 

“ABNORMAL!” he screams. 

Jungkook moves fasts and grabs the two girls as he can. They hide behind a house and wait. Even after all these months, the teamwork between him and Yoongi is intact. The older boy uses his equipment to prepare himself and stays alert to every move the abnormal titan makes. What happened last time is not going to be repeated. Jungkook holds the girls tight and waits. He trusts Yoongi but his whole body shakes at the idea of having a titan like that so close once again. 

The creature crosses the streets without stopping and destroys a few houses on the way. Yoongi decides to face it so he can have a better chance of killing it. He launches himself on the air and approaches the titan, he doesn’t want to give it any space to change directions. As soon as he has it face to face, he moves to the right and starts to follow it from the back. The monster doesn’t pay him any attention and keeps running nonstop. It’s hard for Yoongi to keep up because of the speed, but he does his best even if he feels his legs are going to fall apart. He follows it for a few blocks and passes Jungkook. He’s glad the titan didn’t change directions. A few meters ahead, he finds the perfect moment to kill the titan and goes for it’s nape. It’s a clean cut and it falls instantly. Yoongi gives himself a moment to congratulate himself for that and then turns around. 

When he does, he sees a group of titans coming together in a corner, watching something on the floor. They’re watching Jungkook. Yoongi launches himself towards them without thinking about it. He doesn’t know how he still has so much strength on his body, but he hopes it lasts. He arrives at the place in an instant and kills a titan the moment he arrives. He sees three more trying to grab Jungkook and the girls without paying any attention to him and decides to kill them all in a single movement. He can’t risk leaving one standing while he kills the others, it’s too dangerous. Yoongi does an enormous effort with his body and defeats them all in a single second. He falls to the ground when he finishes, his whole body hurts. He can hear the kids crying and more titans near, but he needs to take a break before continuing. Jungkook comes closer to him and touches his arm.

“Are you okay?” he asks. Yoongi nods, he can’t talk since he is out of breath. After a few seconds, he stands up again.

“Let’s hurry up, I don’t think we’ll make it if we take that long”.

“What do we do?” asks Jungkook.

“Just run, I’ll stay on the roofs and scream if I see something” without saying anything else, Yoongi launches himself again to the air and Jungkook grabs the two girls on his arm and starts running nonstop. It’s fortunate that he kept doing exercise even after his last day as a survey corp. He doesn’t even look behind him, he trusts Yoongi.

They meet a few titans on their way, but Yoongi quickly kills them and then they move on. The path that they always did to the other part of the wall is now a minefield. The streets that they walked in their childhood and teen days are full of blood and corpses. Their last bit of innocence is killed at every corner they walk, even for the two little girls. 

It takes them a while but they finally arrive at the other side of the wall. It’s full of people trying to get to protection and the garrisons trying to calm them down. 

“Once you pass Wall Maria there is a boat waiting for you to take you to Trost!” says one of them. “Please, walk carefully, there’s space for everyone!”.

“A boat?” asks the bigger girl holding Jungkook’s t-shirt.

“There is a river inside” says Jungkook. “It’s the fastest way to get to Wall Rose and enter Trost”.

“Are we going to live there now?” asks the same girl crying.

“I don’t know” answers Jungkook. “For now let’s try to make it there safely”. 

“You should tell the soldiers that you’re with kids, I’m pretty sure they’ll let you in faster” says Yoongi. “Plus, you’re a veteran, they respect you”.

Jungkook looks at him confused.

“What do you mean?” he asks. “They have to let us in because of your uniform”.

Now Yoongi looks at him without understanding what he’s saying.

“But I’m not going in with you” he says. Jungkook tries to say something but the other boy stops him. “We’re not fighting again because of that. Not right now. Look around you, Jungkook, the district has fallen. And I have to fight until the last moment for it, just like everyone is doing right now”.

There is a small moment of silence while they look at each other’s eyes as if they can communicate just by doing that.

“You’re right” Jungkook nods. Then, he puts the little girl he had on his arm on the floor. “Jane, can you take your sister to the boat for me?”

“What the fuck are you doing?” asks Yoongi, grabbing his shoulder.

“Don’t swear in front of kids!” says Jungkook. “You said it yourself, I’m a veteran. I shall fight for Shiganshina until the end just like you”.

“I was talking about me!”.

“What’s the difference? We’re both soldiers!”.

“The difference is that I’m the one in uniform and with the equipment! You can’t even use one!”

“Do you think that the uniform matters now? Look around you! I’m fighting!”.

“I can’t believe you’re doing such a scene right now” Yoongi takes a step back and prepares his equipment. “Go to that boat or I’ll murder you myself!”

He launches himself up and gets far away from Jungkook and the girls. His anger is at maximum level right now, but he can’t allow himself to get sentimental since the entire place is surrounded by titans. He moves a few blocks and kills three of them. He sees a lot of people dead on the streets, civilians and soldiers. Right now, he knows that his job is to protect the people that want to get into Trost, even if that task takes his own life. He thinks that it’s sad that his last conversation with Jungkook was a fight. He hopes that the boy won't feel guilty when Yoongi dies today. But having him by his side would only make him worry more and he’ll lose focus just to keep him safe, he is sure of it. He’s not himself when it’s about Jungkook. 

His thoughts start to flood his mind and he disconnects from the mission a little. It happens at a bad timing, since he tries to kill a titan but fails on cutting his nape. Yoongi lands on a roof and turns around to go again and do his job right this time, but the titan is now looking at him with his big eyes and ready to follow his every move. Yoongi curses and prepares his body. His legs hurt a lot and he really wants to rest for a while, but right now he needs to be the best one unless he wants to die. He grabs his blades tightly and waits for what the creature is going to do next. However, it doesn’t even get the chance to move towards Yoongi, since someone cuts it’s nape with a clean cut and makes it fall in an instant. Yoongi tries to see who was the one that helped him, but the sun hits his eyes and he’s incapable of seeing his face. It’s useless to do so though, because Yoongi sees the one arm soldier moving his blade clearly. 

“Are you deaf or just dumb?” he asks when Jungkook lands on his side.

“You’re the one that said that I couldn’t use the equipment” says the boy. “I just saved your ass so I think you’re the dumb one that can’t kill a titan with two good arms”.

“What about the kids?” asks Yoongi.

“I left them with a garrison”.

“And where did you get the equipment?” 

“There are hundreds of dead soldiers on the ground with their equipment, haven’t you seen them?”

“Shut up before I punch you. I can’t believe you followed me”.

Jungkook puts his blade away and comes closer to Yoongi.

“This is the end, I think we’re definitely dying today” he says. “So I’ll fight by your side, because I refuse to leave you to die alone. I don’t need a uniform or a title to stay with the person I love, even if he is an idiot that left me”.

“I never left you” says Yoongi.

Jungkook smiles at him and comes closer to caress his cheek. 

“I know” he says, and kisses Yoongi’s forehead.

The older boy closes his eyes because of the touch and tries to control his emotions. He missed Jungkook so much.

“Let’s do it then” he says. “Let’s end all of this, together”.

Jungkook kisses his lips briefly and then unites their foreheads.

“Together”.

They prepare again to keep moving and killing the titans that are near the people. However, something stops them. It's thunder, again. 

They both fall to their knees because of the impact, it feels closer this time. When they look towards the part of Wall Maria that was destroyed, they see something unexpected. It’s another titan, but not normal, it’s a creature just like the one that appeared and left a few moments ago after unleashing chaos. This one is smaller but his structure is different. His whole body is completely protected by some kind of armor and it stands taller than the rest of the creatures. 

“What even are those?” asks Jungkook.

“I have no idea. Should we come closer?” 

“I don’t think we should confront something we don’t even know if we can kill”.

They look at the titan without blinking, waiting to see what he’s going to do next and maybe attack then. Yoongi sees some survey corps flying near it but not coming closer. They’re probably as scared as they are.

The armored titan moves and flexes his knees, then he puts his right arm in front of his head and the other one behind. 

“What is he doing?” asks Yoongi.

Jungkook follows the titan’s eyes and realizes what he’s trying to do.

“He’s going to run towards Wall Maria” he says in a low voice. “He’s going to destroy it completely”.

Yoongi looks at him in shock.

“That can’t be! There’s people there! We have to do something!”

However, they don’t get the chance to. The titan starts running at full speed and Jungkook and Yoongi see the Garrisons running in fear away from the wall, but it’s too late for them. The creature crushes what's left of Wall Maria and destroys it completely, taking a lot of lives in only a few seconds. The first wall of the island is gone, and its people along with it.

“We have to see if someone’s alive” says Yoongi. 

They both start moving towards the new hole, both in shock and completely out of words. Never in their lives they would’ve imagined that something like this could happen. The walls always seemed so strong and big for them, so invincible. But now, one of them is just pieces of what used to be their protection. Their town, their houses, their whole life was destroyed in a few seconds, along with humanity’s hope.

Jungkook and Yoongi make it to the place of the disaster. They see a lot of blood and bodies, but they look away instantly, they don’t want to see the faces of the two little girls they helped a few minutes ago. They cross the hole and see people running towards the boats in panic. There is no trace of the armored titan. 

“Let’s try to keep the titans away from the hole” says the older one. Jungkook agrees. 

A few survey corps join them and they wait for the creatures to arrive. It doesn’t take them long, since the smell of blood invites them in. They come in large herds, with smiles and strong footsteps. The soldiers hold their blades tightly and prepare themselves for battle. As soon as the titans cross the hole, it begins. 

The men and women dressed in uniforms fly around the titans and cut their napes with ferocity. Jungkook and Yoongi stay side by side killing titans without blinking. The younger one has trouble because of his body situation, but the other boy makes sure to help him in any chance he gets. Their teamwork is impeccable, it seems like the last months that they were apart never happened. It’s a connection no one else has in the world, a bond between two souls who know exactly what the other one is going to do next. They kill various titans but the creatures just keep coming. Yoongi’s body begs him to stop and Jungkook’s old wounds start to hurt him, but they can’t stop.

However, that pain causes them to be slower than at the beginning, and soon they are surrounded by a lot of titans.

“Get the ones on the left and I’ll get the ones on the right!” says Yoongi.

They don’t waste a second and launch themselves towards the many titans that are around them. Giving up is not an option, even if they know they don’t have a chance. Yoongi goes to the right and kills two titans in a row. When he’s about to kill the third one, something pushes him behind and launches his body towards a house. The impact makes his body hit a window and fall to the ground. He feels pain on his back and can touch the glass with his hands. Yoongi tries to stand up but it’s impossible, all his body is cut and bleeding and his third pair of blades is broken. There is nothing in his favor.

The titans approach him slowly, like knowing that he is easy food and just playing with his fear. Yoongi closes his eyes and waits. He still can hear Jungkook fighting and hopes that he is able to run away from all of this. They really did not have a chance at all. He opens his eyes again and sees a titan watching him from a few meters away. His expression is serious and his eyes are huge. Yoongi tries to stand up once again but he fails. His legs won’t do as he says. He looks at the creature and his heart raises, is this it? He hears a titan falling on his left, but he doesn’t want to look away from the other one. However, something appears in his view, a person moving so fast that it's almost impossible to see it. Yoongi closes his eyes again, can he sleep now? He hears a loud noise in front of him and then something grabs his body. He can barely understand what’s going on now. 

“Yoongi!” says Jungkook, he knows his voice even if he’s feeling like shit. “Please hold on!”

The older boys hears weird noises and suddenly the sun is gone. He opens his eyes and notices that he’s inside a house, sitting in the corner of a room. Jungkook grabs some tablecloth and covers the windows, then he goes to the other room and returns a few seconds later with some alcohol and bandages.

“I’ll cover the deeper cuts” he says. “You need to move so I can check your back”.

He uses strength to move Yoongi away from the wall and the boy complains because it hurts him so bad.

“Shh, we need to be quiet, there are still a lot of titans out there”.

“Did you…” Yoongi tries to speak but his mind is so mixed up. “What happened?”

“One of the titans grabbed your equipment cords and pushed you towards a house. I think you passed out a bit, I blinded some of them and then entered a house so we can hide. How are you feeling?”

“Everything hurts” Yoongi’s mouth is so dry and his eyes are heavy. Jungkook slaps his cheeks so he can stay up.

“You can’t sleep. I need you to stay strong” Yoongi nods and Jungkook tries to cure his body. “I stopped the bleeding but we need help right now”.

“The boats…”.

“I could take you to one, we’re not far. But we need to wait until the titans go away, I can’t carry you and fight at the same time”.

“Just go” says Yoongi.

“Shut up and move your left leg a bit so I can see your cuts”.

“It hurts”.

“Don’t be a cry baby, I thought you hated that kind of people” Yoongi laughs a bit and it hurts him everywhere.

“I do” Jungkook ends his taks and then sits beside Yoongi. He slaps him again and forces him to open his eyes. “Stop… I’m tired” he complains.

“Did you come back from a mission today?” he aks so he can keep Yoongi up. “Tell me about it”.

The other boy sighs.

“It was boring… and a failure… like always” his words come out really slow, but he tries his best to not fall asleep. “We were eating”.

“Who?” asks Jungkook.

“Me and Seokjin… When this all happened”.

“What were you eating?”

“Don’t remember… you?”.

“I was playing with the kids and came out when the lighting struck” Jungkook grabs Yoongi’s hand and caresses it slowly to not hurt him.

“Do you think…” Yoongi is not able to finish the question. Jungkook sighs.

“I want to believe that they’re fine, I’ll worry about that later”.

“And... your parents?”

“The same thing, we’ll look for them when we get to Trost”.

“I lost Seokjin” the boys still can hear the fighting outside and every noise makes them scared to be found.

“I’m sure he’s okay, he’s the best”.

“Yeah… he is” Yoongi closes his eyes again and Jungkook slaps him again. “Too strong” he complains.

“Good, stop closing your eyes if it hurts you”.

“You’re annoying”.

“Well sorry for trying to keep you alive” Jungkook laughs and Yoongi follows him. He can barely move but he rests his head on the boy’s shoulder.

“We’re not... gonna make it” he says in a whisper. “Let me sleep”.

“No” Jungkook holds his hand tighter. “I’m going to get you to that boat and then they’ll cure you”.

“It’s too far”.

“I don’t care, we need to try” they stay in silence for a few seconds, just thinking.

“I’m sorry…” Yoongi speaks again in a low voice. “For leaving… that day”.

“It’s fine” Jungkook says. “I think I understand it now. You just left in a bad time. Losing an arm wasn’t easy and then you were leaving me too… It seemed unfair to me, but you were just doing what was right”.

“You should’ve… wrote me”.

“I was ashamed. And scared that you wouldn’t want me anymore”.

“Bullshit” Jungkook laughs and kisses Yoongi’s hand. 

“Yeah, I’m stupid”.

“Luckily… you’re cute” they both laugh again, ignoring everything that’s happening outside their little world.

“I thought you were in pain but you’re in a good mood”.

“Because you’re here… I missed you” Yoongi comes closer to him and Jungkook kissed his forehead. He lets go of his hand and starts to brush his hair slowly.

“I missed you too. I was really lonely”.

“I’m sorry”.

“You don’t have to be. We were both dumb” Yoongi tries to close his eyes again but Jungkook doesn’t let him. They stare at each other for a few seconds and then they share a passionate kiss full of love. Nothing else matters to them when they’re like that, when the distance between them is so short.

Yoongi breaks the kiss and caresses the boy’s cheek.

“Jungkook” he says slowly.

“Yeah?”

“I love you… I’ll always will” Jungkook kisses him again and Yoongi responds, but then he steps back. “So please… go… and let me sleep… here”.

Jungkook looks at him confused.

“No” he says instantly. 

“I can’t… fight… and my body… won’t last longer… please”.

“No” repeats Jungkook. “You might die if you fall asleep”.

“I’m ready” says Yoongi. “Please get help… and leave”

Jungkook starts crying and Yoongi wipes his tears.

“I’m fine” he says. “Maybe you can… come back for me… when you get… to Trost”.

“I’m taking you with me to Trost” Yoongi slowly shakes his head.

“I can’t… anymore” he closes his eyes and his head falls.

“Yoongi” Jungkook tries to wake him up again but fails, the other boy is completely passed out. His face is pale and full of blood, just like his body. The younger boy starts to cry harder. “Please” he says between sobs.

Jungkook puts Yoongi against the wall and uses his hand to check his pulse on his neck.

“Please… please” he whispers. It takes him a while but he does find a heartbeat, a very weak one. He quickly stands up and goes towards the door. Then, he goes back to Yoongi and kisses his forehead. “I’ll get help, just wait, please”.

-

When Yoongi wakes up, he doesn’t quite know where he is. He is laying on grass and the sun is hitting his face, but it calms him instead of annoying him. He stands up little by little, so that his wounds won’t get worse. However, his body doesn’t hurt at all. He checks his arms and legs and there is no trace of blood or injuries. How long has he been sleeping and why is he there? When he passed out he was sure he would wake up in a hospital, or not wake up at all. He hears some voices and decides to stand up to check where they are coming from. He is not wearing his uniform and there is no trace of his equipment, so he needs to be careful in case he is in danger. He is wearing normal clothes, like the ones that he used to wear when he was a young boy that still lived with his parents. His body feels lighter and his hands smaller. He sees a familiar house far away but doesn’t quite know where he has seen it before. He walks slowly, with fear and his senses alert. When he is pretty close, a woman comes out of the house wearing a grey dress and with a bucket full of dirty clothes. Yoongi freezes. He knows her, he would recognize her anywhere. The woman sees him and stops walking.

“Don’t tell me you fell asleep on the grass again” she says.

Yoongi lowers his head, like a little kid that just did something wrong and is ashamed.

“Yoongi!” the woman speaks again. “I’m talking to you”.

“Yes” he says in a low voice.

She snorts, walks towards the boy and grabs his ear.

“Mom! Stop! Mom!” he complains.

“I told you to do your housework before your friends arrive and you decide to sleep!” she drags him towards the inside of the house and gives him a broom. “Clean! I don’t want them to think that we are dirty people!”

“But we are! And so are they!” the woman stares at him with complete anger. Yoongi gets chills.

“Clean or I’ll kick you out”.

“You always say that and then never do it” he smiles at his mother, hoping to soften her heart.

“Unfortunately I’m stuck with you forever. Now, clean!” she leaves the room and Yoongi starts to sweep all the dirt on the floor. 

Suddenly, he smells something nice, a scent he hasn’t felt in years. He walks towards the kitchen and sees his dad walking around the place, cooking a whole lot of different things. The man sees him and smiles.

“Hey, you! Wanna try my sauce?” 

“Maybe later” Yoongi enters the kitchen and sits in a chair. “Dad, can we actually cook all this in one day?”

“Of course, kid. We’re celebrating today”.

“What are we celebrating?” he asks, confused.

“Well…” the man thinks of his answer but a knock on the door interrupts him. “That must be your friends!”

Yoongi walks to the front door and opens it, his friends enter the house as soon as he does. None of them are wearing the uniform.

“Thank god you finally opened!” says Namjoon. “I feel like I’ve been knocking forever!”

“It was only thirty seconds” Yoongi says, laughing.

“Too much time!” answers Namjoon. 

“How have you been, Yoongi? We haven’t seen you in a while” says Hoseok.

“I’m fine. I’m really good actually” Yoongi smiles at his friends and then points at the dining table. “Let’s sit”

The three boys go to the table and start talking about their lives and what Yoongi has missed since the last time he saw them. His parents don’t take long to join them with food and drinks. They eat, laugh and enjoy the nice weather. Everything is so perfect, but Yoongi thinks something is missing.

“Is no one else coming?” he asks after a while. All the people at the table look at him confused.

“Did you invite anyone else?” asks his mother.

“I didn’t organize this” says Yoongi, laughing.

“But you did, you invited me” says Namjoon.

“Yeah, me too” adds Hoseok.

“But dad said we are celebrating something and I don’t know what it is” he tries to remember but nothing comes to mind. 

“You’ll remember it later, kid” says his dad. “If you want to invite someone else just do it”.

“I want to invite Jungkook, why isn’t he here?” he says.

Everyone in the table look at each other with a conflicted gaze. Hoseok is the one that decides to talk.

“Yoongi…” he says. “He can’t come here”

“Why?” asks the boy, fully confused.

“Well… he’s not from here, do you understand?”

“What are you talking about?” Yoongi laughs. “We see him every day, here, in Shiganshina”.

“I mean… We used to” says Namjoon. “But we can’t right now”.

Yoongi looks at everyone confused, but no one looks back at him. The whole room starts to feel weird, like he doesn’t belong there. When was the last time he was in this house? It was… It was after his parents died. He saw their bodies, then why are they sitting here with him? He turns his head towards Hoseok and tears fall from his eyes.

“I’m dead, right?” he asks. “Just like you all. We are dead”.

Hoseok looks at him with sadness and then nods.

“Yes. We are” he says.

-

When Jungkook goes outside, he does it carefully since he doesn’t want to call the titans attention. He looks around and sees a few survey corps fighting an enormous amount of titans. He goes to the roof and tries to see where they are and if it’s possible to go to a boat. Jungkook finds the river a few blocks away, maybe ten. There is a boat there that is not moving. Jungkook wonders if the soldiers in Trost sent it to them or if they’re just lucky. He sees titans surrounding the place and tries to come up with a plan to get Yoongi to that boat and start it without dying. The probabilities are low, but he refuses to give up. 

He decides to enter the house again and grab Yoongi so they can escape quickly when he hears someone call his name. It’s Seokjin, who lands on the roof he is in, completely covered in blood and sweat.

“Commander!” he says.

“Have you seen Yoongi?” asks Seokjin.

“Yes! He’s hiding in this house, but he needs a doctor right now”.

“Is he injured?”

“Badly, sir. He got crushed into a house. I was thinking of using the boat to get to Trost”.

“I'll help you. The rest of us are retreating as soon as we can, so let’s all go to the boat. Can you carry Yoongi on your back?”

“Yes, sir!” Jungkook gets off the roof and enters the house. He checks on Yoongi’s pulse before putting him on his back. It’s still as weak as it was a few moments ago. There is still hope.

Carrying a man like that with only one arm is completely difficult, but Jungkook is lucky that Yoongi is smaller and thinner than him. He hooks the other boy’s equipment with his so he won’t fall and exchanges their gas so he can make it to the boat with no problems. He goes to the roof again and Seokjin is waiting for him with three more soldiers. 

“Jungkook won’t be able to fight so let’s protect him until he gets to the boat” he says. “Let’s get all the rest into the vehicle and let’s get the hell out of here” he comes closer to Jungkook. “Once you’re there, leave Yoongi safe and start the engine, can you do it?”

“Yes, sir”.

“Let’s do it, then” the four men launch themselves towards the streets and start fighting the titans. Jungkook has a hard time avoiding them but he does his best. His teammates help him by killing the ones that are closer. Their presence is comforting to the boy, he thinks that this is what going outside with people you trust felt like. He missed that feeling. 

They move block by block fast. One of the guys is grabbed by a titan but the other one saves him in a blink of an eye. Jungkook understands that they are all leaving or no one is, they need all the people possible to get to success. They meet a few other soldiers on the way and they join their fight. This moment, this feeling and this teamwork is what hope feels like. A spark of it in the middle of such despair and pain. If they work together, humanity can be saved.

They make it to the boat in a few minutes and Jungkook moves fast. He first leaves Yoongi on the surface and prays that he is still alive and then moves to the engine. 

“Let’s protect Jungkook until he completes his task!” screams Seokjin.

The titans just keep arriving and fight nonstop. A few soldiers fall but the rest refuse to go down today. Jungkook watches them fight with their last bit of strength and finally understands why Yoongi couldn’t stay with him when he asked him to. There is beauty in dying with a team and for a cause, even if you have to make sacrifices for it. Yoongi believed in a world without titans more than anyone, that’s why he didn’t want to stop fighting. That hope is probably dead now, since the titans destroyed Shiganshina forever. Jungkook wonders if Yoongi would die happy today or just really mad.

He thinks about that while working on the engine and he gets the job done in a few seconds. When he’s finished, he goes to the surface as the boat starts moving.

“All clear, sir!” he screams.

“RETREAT!” screams Seokjin, and all the survey corps obey. Even if he’s not the commander anymore, people still follow him. The soldiers get in the boat and they start to get away from the monsters. Jungkook goes to where Yoongi is and checks his pulse once again. He’s still fighting. There is hope for them.

Seokjin approaches him and holds Yoongi 's hand.

“How is he?” he asks.

“Fighting”.

Seokjin laughs.

“Isn’t he always doing that?”.

-

Trost is a complete mess. The hospitals are packed and there is not enough food for everyone. A lot of people of Shiganshina survived and are now a burden for the citizens of Trost. More than half of them died, and the remaining people have to mourn them while trying to find a place to live. 

Jungkook finds his parents the next day after the tragedy. They hug and cry but they’re thankful that they are together again. The boy doesn’t dare to ask about the little girls that he left in the wall. He feels guilty about it since his actions were completely selfish. He doesn’t think he would be able to sleep if he knows that the girls died because of him. 

Because he is a “war hero”, he and his family are given more commodities than the rest. He appreciates it but suffers because of the people who are homeless and starving. The fall of Shiganshina was a huge hit for everyone, the country would never be the same after this. 

Jungkook moves to his new house with his parents and tries to be comfortable in it, but it’s really difficult. All his stuff is gone, he is now a new man. He wishes that the pain and memories of the fights would be gone too.

Of course, he goes to the hospital every day with Seokjin. They both wait to see Yoongi wake up one day. He entered the district completely wounded and almost dead, but the doctors and nurses of Trost did everything they could to heal him. And they still have to see if they succeeded. 

Jungkook holds his hand and talks to him, he tells him about everything that’s happening outside the hospital and he lets him know how much he misses him. He hopes that Yoongi is listening to him at every moment so he won’t feel so alone. The nurses tell him that he’s advancing, that they just have to give him time to wake up. Jungkook doesn’t want him to hurry, Yoongi deserves to rest all the time that he wants.

It’s a few weeks later that the boy decides that he rested enough and finally opens his eyes. It’s Seokjin who welcomes him to the real world again. He lets the doctors check on him and they say that everything seems right but he still is very weak. Yoongi doesn’t speak that much, it tires him, so he listens to what Seokjin tells him.

“Jungkook is not coming today” he says after they are alone and calm. “He’s completely fine, he got a job as a nanny though. Money is really missing these days so we have to take shitty jobs from the people of Trost. He’ll come tomorrow. I’m not gonna tell him you woke up, I want to give him a surprise”.

Yoongi smiles and nods, he’s glad that everyone is fine.

“He really did the best to save you. He loves you so much. I know you told me that maybe he was mad at you because of what happened, but I’m sure he’ll forgive you now that you almost died” they both laugh a bit. Yoongi is so tired that he barely has strength to do that. 

“His parents are fine too” Seokjin continues. “They are really nice people. The government gave us all houses because of our sacrifice. I think it’s bullshit but we took them, even if we know that it’s wrong… But after everything that happened… We also think that we kind of deserve it, you know?”

Yoongi nods. He understands exactly what Seokjin is saying. 

“Yoongi… I… Actually” the man's voice shakes. “I need to tell you something”.

The other boy looks at him curious.

“I’m… I’m leaving the survey corps”.

“What?” Yoongi’s voice comes out raspy and it makes him cough.

“Don’t talk, you idiot! You are such a drama queen” Seokjin offers him some water and Yoongi lies back again, completely destroyed because of the effort. After he has calmed down, Seokjin continues talking.

“I’m quitting my job” he says. “I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks now and I think it’s the right choice. We were so wrong, Yoongi. We always talked about devoting everything to the war, even if it took our lives… We’re fighting something we can’t win and while we do it, we’re missing on such important things in life. I’ve never seen anything like what happened in Shiganshina… I saw so many bodies, so many kids… I realized that we can’t win, even if we try for a thousand years, we have always been doomed. I know you might not understand me, since the military gave you everything you have… But there are so many things we can get by ourselves and so much we are not experiencing because of our pride and stubbornness… I first thought about it one day that I was here, in the hospital. Jungkook came here, completely tired and hungry, but he sat by your side and held your hand for hours. The look on his eyes… I want to be able to experience that kind of love for someone, I think that it'll make me feel more alive than killing a thousand titans… War it’s over for me, I’m gonna be a normal guy until these things decide to come for us again… And I think you should do the same thing, so think about it, okay?”

Yoongi does think about it. He remembers very clearly the dream he had while being almost dead and it keeps replaying in his head all night. He felt so comfortable there, knowing that he finally was able to be with so many people he loved and cared about, and knowing that he died doing his best as a soldier. Everything was exactly how he planned it years ago, with his death completely devoted to the cause. But something was missing there, something that he never knew he could feel. How could he be comfortable in a place where his lover was not around and knowing that he never gave Jungkook anything in return for all the things that he did for him? How could he leave him alone like that? Yoongi knows that he survived that day because his hope of seeing Jungkook one more time was stronger than his will to die for the country. So, the next day, when Jungkook enters the room and his eyes light up after seeing Yoongi awake, the boy knows he’s going to devote his whole life to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue, maybe? :)  
> You can find me at @ughnamgi_


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